� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time |
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� Things I'm Thinking About �
10:39 a.m., 2004-02-19
There�s cake waiting for me in the next room. Like the chocolate and the trail mix weren�t enough, now Sophie is trying to increase my job performance through the power of sweet, delicious cake. Okay, so, technically it�s for my birthday and I was expecting it, but it does take me a little by surprise since I slept through my alarm this morning and got to work ten minutes late. Sophie: Sleep in anytime, Dr. No! In fact, here�s cake! That�s how it goes in my head, anyway. And don�t start in about me oversleeping, either, because it happens to everybody once in a while! And it�s not like I was totally late, just�a little. Like five minutes. Maybe ten. Anyway, it�s my birthday and I�m entitled. Well, okay, maybe it�s not my birthday yet, but it will be. Just give it a few days. Now that you�ve asked, all I want for my birthday is a trip to Europe. That, and for The O.C.�s Marissa to get eaten by a bear. Man, I hate that chick. Not the actress, necessarily (she might be a lovely person), but the character. Marissa sucks, yo. I know some of you don�t watch the show, but take it from me, she�s a piece of work. Marissa? Get thee to a bear-ery. I�m really enjoying the thought of that cake. I do have to confess that knowing we will be eating cake instead of working does serve to enhance the experience. I mean, cake is awesome and tasty and stuff, but cake instead of working is damn close to nirvana. I didn�t have cake yesterday. Yesterday I had trail mix, but you already know about that. Yesterday I also watched The O.C., and, as I believe I�ve mentioned elsewhere, I hate Marissa a lot. Did I tell you about the bear? Oh, yeah. I�m wearing a hat. See, because I woke up late, and I didn�t have time to really "do my hair" or "dress properly". Or "put out the fire I accidentally started in the bathroom". Whatever, it�s mostly porcelain and stuff and there. It�s not like it�s all flammable. Anyway, my hair had swelled to a rather impressive size overnight. I could feel quite a bit of wind resistance when I shot up in bed, ten minutes before I was supposed to be clocking in to begin my workday. I looked like Eraserhead, you guys. So I�m wearing a hat. Pretty gutsy, huh? Show up late wearing a hat, and get cake! Sophie: Don�t worry Dr. No -- there are no dress codes here. Wear whatever you want! Here, have another slice.Marissa: Aieeee! Halp! It�s a bear! It�s a beautiful dream. Then there�s this whole part where the cake opens up and Ryan Phillippe jumps out of it�speaking of which, where the hell has he been? Has he done anything for me lately? I don�t think I�ve seen him since Igby Went to Gosford Park. Or whatever the hell that movie with the Culkin kid was. What was that? I didn�t see it.Anyway, as it turns out, they didn�t clean the office last night -- I don�t know why -- and the guy is here right now, making a lot of noise about it. I�m also on hold at the moment, and I have a feeling that the woman I�m waiting for is never going to come back on the line. Just a hunch. I�ll teach her. I�ll hang up first. Ha! And that concludes today�s programming. This entry was brought to you by the letters F and U. Hee! Get it? Someone Got Here By Searching For: my voicemail alert doesn�t work And: heidi fleiss sex tape I�m Watching: The O.C. Ha ha! Eat it, Marissa. And: American Idol. If the bear�s still hungry, I think I�ll send him over to the AI soundstage for dessert. A Year Ago, I Said:"That sounds like fun! Oh, hey, I think your foot is on my pride there. Yeah, I think that's my pride -- right there under your heel. No, to the left. No, that's a piece of tape. My pride is that smaller one, next to it. Right."
How Could You Axe Me That, Part II
2-19-2003
� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.
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