Memoirs of an Evil Genius
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

Peeved By an Angel
3:27 p.m., 2003-01-16

I've had a brilliant day so far. This afternoon? I spilled a huge glass of water all over my keyboard and completely disabled it. Fortunately for me, Annabelle's computer was still hooked up and I was able to plunder it for a working model. I feel only the slightest pangs of guilt knowing that they're eventually going to replace her, and the new salesperson won't be able to use the space bar. Oh well. The new salesperson probably won't have an online journal to maintain, so I guess it all works out fine.

My television addiction is spinning wildly out of control. I was supposed to meet this chick for dinner last night, and I cut the evening short so I could get home and watch The Bachelorette. Oh, don't look at me like that! It's not like it was a date or anything, we were discussing a class. The point is that I had the marginal beginnings of a pseuo-social life, and I skipped out so I could see Trista Rehn shut down Brook, the Anal-Retentive Cowboy.

In my defense, Brook needed to be shut down in a bad, bad way. Before, I just thought he was creepy, but last night he revealed his psycho attention-monger side when he accused Trista of being shallow because she brought up the fact that he works with horses and she is allergic to them. Like, gee, sorry the "little woman" doesn't relish the prospect of suffering eternal hayfever on your behalf, creepy weasel-man. Maybe you shouldn't be trying to land your soulmate through a freaking TV show.

I'd also like to sound off on one of my other favorite programs, that being Angel. I was a little irked by last night's new episode, the first since they went on their months-long holiday hiatus, and I would like to explain why. Those of you unfamiliar may be amused by my comments, so feel free to follow along anyway.

See, May Day and I have this huge problem with the Connor/Cordy romance. May Day sees it as incest, claiming that Cordy is like Connor's mother. I don't see that, necessarily, since she's, you know, not his mother and didn't really raise him, or otherwise serve in a maternal capacity. May Day thinks that she acted as surrogate mother when Connor was born, which is sort of true, but on the other hand...she really only babysat a couple times for the three weeks they were both around before Cordy went off to bump uglies with Groo and Wesley took Connor out to get kidnapped.

And speaking of Wesley, I'm really getting pissed off by the way they're treating him, but I'll get back to that. Essentially, the Cordy/Connor thing bugs me because the relationship is really complex, and even though he may be an adult, physically, he's still a child, mentally. Yech.

Anyway, Angel himself is a petty, pedantic, arrogant, self-important asshole. This we all know, and have known, but it pisses me off that he's started to pull this righteous indignation crap after spying on Cordy and Connor doing their horizontal lambada in the last episode. Because, you know, Angel would never have inappropriate sex with the wrong person when embroiled in complicated and confusing circumstances. Oh, except for that one time when HE TOTALLY DID! Man alive, Angel, are we forgetting the time you boinked Darla, knowing full well you were running the risk of losing your soul and trying to destroy the world, you know, again? It should be easy enough to remember, since that's how Connor got here in the first place. Hey Angel, Pot just called; he wanted to tell you something about Kettle! Call him back as soon as you're finished brooding, okay?

And seriously, where does he get off judging other people's behavior, anyway? Remember the time that he, you know, murdered hundreds of people for sport? Or the other time he murdered hundreds of people for sport? And tried to suck the world into hell? And the time he let Darla and Drusilla murder a room full of people for sport? And the time he fired Cordy, Wes, and Gunn for getting in the way of his selfish vendetta? And the time he tried to kill Wesley? Yes, folks, that's our champion.

And speaking of Wesley, let's...speak of Wesley. Can this guy get a break? Please? I mean, I know he's got this sick and twisted thing for Fred (which I just don't understand and never will, and is twice as gross as Connor/Cordy, but whatever), but he's perhaps the most wronged character on this show. Possibly ever. I mean, when faced with irrefutable evidence that Angel would eventually turn to his son for some honest-to-goodness baby back ribs, Wesley took action to save Connor from his dad, and Angel from himself. As it turned out, he was being played like a hand of cards by Sahjahn, and he ended up getting his throat slit by Justine and dumped in the bushes for his troubles.

Okay, so it was all a big mistake. The prophecies were manufactured by a time-hopping demon with a bent to make Angel suffer, but how was Wes supposed to know that? Okay, so maybe he should've said something first, rather than trying to run off with the baby, but would Angel have listened? Hell, no! Besides, if Fred and Gunn hadn't been so busy making with the kissy-face (gag) they might have noticed how listless, detached, and nervous Wesley had become.

So after he gets his throat slit, Angel tries to smother him to death in the hospital (because he's such a prince, right?), and then along comes that walking nervous tic, Fred, to grind some unrefined rock salt into the wound. Never mind the fact that he saved her life, or that he rescued Angel from the murky depths of a watery grave, or even the fact that he continues to show up whenever they need him, despite the fact that they always treat him like leper shit. And now they're hinting that he and Fred will end up together, which would be a cool plot twist...if Fred were a more interesting character and I was actually invested in her relationship with Gunn. Plus which, Wesley? You're boffing Lilah. Lilah. I know she's evil, but she's about 600 times sexier than Fred any day of the week.

I was perhaps disappointed most of all by Cordelia, though, who not only sided immediately with Angel upon her return from the Seaside of Love, but didn't even seek Wesley out to comfort, talk, or even admonish (like Fred did). I think Cordy is like Samson; the minute they cut her hair, all of her best characteristics evaporated.

She's still my favorite, though, which is why when Angel started giving her all this shit, I got worked up about it. The world's coming to a rapidly approaching end, there's a huge, horned beast on the loose in LA, turning people into zombies and shit, but Angel still manages to find the time to show his contempt for Cordelia since she slept with Connor instead of him.

And you know that's the reason! He wasn't disgusted because she slept with Connor, but because she didn't sleep with Angel. Way to prioritize, buddy. Also, feel free to blow it out your pompous ass. At least Cordelia doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of doing what's right for the good of mankind.

Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest. Tonight I get to watch my TV boyfriend, and perhaps succumb to The Surreal Life, so who knows? Tomorrow I may be ranting about Corey Feldman.

Good taste, where art thou?

2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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