Memoirs of an Evil Genius
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

Time After Time
4:29 p.m., 2003-01-17

I'm awake! I'm awake! I feel like death, though. No, wait. I feel like death's cousin, undead. That's it! I feel like the undead. Must. Eat. Brains.

Hmmm...fresh out of brains. Will settle for cheerios.

At work. Totally. Bored. Ho-hum. Why do people say 'ho-hum' when they're bored? Actually, come to think of it, no one says 'ho-hum' except in comics. I've been led astray by Scrooge McDuck! What's this world coming to?

Still bored. Well, now's as good a time as any to plot my World Domination, I guess. Every good dictator had a plan! Well, except for Caligula. He was just crazy.

MS Paint is totally cool. I think I just drew a cow in a petticoat!

Okay. I'll start with Sweden. No! Poland. Anybody who's anybody in the field of World Domination starts with Poland. I don't really know where Poland is, exactly, but it's somewhere in eastern Europe, I'm sure. Note to self: buy atlas. Or better yet, globe.

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round,
'round and 'round,
'round and 'round...

I give. I'm posting my picture on Hot or Not, which makes me a terrible, terrible person. I deserve every single 2 I get. Although, I really hope I don't get any. 2's, that is.

Here's my picture. Just kidding.

Some motherfucker gave me a 2. Bitchass.

Why'dja havta go an' make things so complicated?
I see you when you're actin' like you're somebody else
gets me frustrated!

Dammit! Now it'll be stuck in my forever. Damn you, Avril Livigne! DAMN YOUUUUU!

Hey! It's lunchtime! Where's my coverage for the phones?? What's all this crap about? I should be lunching right now! Where is she???

Oh. There she is. Whee! Lunchtime!

Back from lunch. Just checked score at Hot or Not. I've got a 9.4! Whoopee! I'm validated as a human being! Someone out there likes my abs! Okay, yes, I admit it; I submitted a picture of myself without my shirt on. I know how these things work. What are you gonna do about it, huh? They're telling me I'm hotter than 94% of the guys on the site. No, seriously, it says so right here in black and white. They wouldn't lie to me.

I'll be honest. I don't think I'd give me a 9.4, actually. Not because I think I'm fugly (if I thought so, I certainly wouldn't have my picture up on that site -- I might just as well walk around with a big target on my back), but I don't think I'm a 9.4, you know? Ryan Phillippe? Is a 9.4. Daniel Bess? Is a 10. Me? Not exactly. Not that I'm going to turn down that score.

So. Bored. Am considering eating brains, just to spice things up.

Am I dead? I dead? I think my heart stopped forty minutes ago.

What the fuck is this? My score dropped to 9.3! Who's the little shit who rated me a 3? Why I oughta...

Sometimes I run,
Sometimes I hide...

Shit! SHIT! The computer just shut down! Now I have to completely rewrite my journal entry! DAMN YOU, AVRIL LIVIGNE!!!

Who. The FUCK. Is calling??? It's 5:00! On a Friday! FUCK YOU, PHONE! FUCK! YOU!

I'm out. Have a good weekend, y'all!

2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.

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