Memoirs of an Evil Genius
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

Time After Time
4:29 p.m., 2003-01-17

7:18am
I'm awake! I'm awake! I feel like death, though. No, wait. I feel like death's cousin, undead. That's it! I feel like the undead. Must. Eat. Brains.

7:20
Hmmm...fresh out of brains. Will settle for cheerios.

8:20
At work. Totally. Bored. Ho-hum. Why do people say 'ho-hum' when they're bored? Actually, come to think of it, no one says 'ho-hum' except in comics. I've been led astray by Scrooge McDuck! What's this world coming to?

8:50
Still bored. Well, now's as good a time as any to plot my World Domination, I guess. Every good dictator had a plan! Well, except for Caligula. He was just crazy.

8:53
MS Paint is totally cool. I think I just drew a cow in a petticoat!

9:30
Okay. I'll start with Sweden. No! Poland. Anybody who's anybody in the field of World Domination starts with Poland. I don't really know where Poland is, exactly, but it's somewhere in eastern Europe, I'm sure. Note to self: buy atlas. Or better yet, globe.

10:45
The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round,
'round and 'round,
'round and 'round...

10:56
I give. I'm posting my picture on Hot or Not, which makes me a terrible, terrible person. I deserve every single 2 I get. Although, I really hope I don't get any. 2's, that is.

Here's my picture. Just kidding.

11:15
Some motherfucker gave me a 2. Bitchass.

12:01
Why'dja havta go an' make things so complicated?
I see you when you're actin' like you're somebody else
gets me frustrated!

Dammit! Now it'll be stuck in my forever. Damn you, Avril Livigne! DAMN YOUUUUU!

12:15
Hey! It's lunchtime! Where's my coverage for the phones?? What's all this crap about? I should be lunching right now! Where is she???

12:17
Oh. There she is. Whee! Lunchtime!

1:18
Back from lunch. Just checked score at Hot or Not. I've got a 9.4! Whoopee! I'm validated as a human being! Someone out there likes my abs! Okay, yes, I admit it; I submitted a picture of myself without my shirt on. I know how these things work. What are you gonna do about it, huh? They're telling me I'm hotter than 94% of the guys on the site. No, seriously, it says so right here in black and white. They wouldn't lie to me.

I'll be honest. I don't think I'd give me a 9.4, actually. Not because I think I'm fugly (if I thought so, I certainly wouldn't have my picture up on that site -- I might just as well walk around with a big target on my back), but I don't think I'm a 9.4, you know? Ryan Phillippe? Is a 9.4. Daniel Bess? Is a 10. Me? Not exactly. Not that I'm going to turn down that score.

2:45
So. Bored. Am considering eating brains, just to spice things up.

3:50
Am I dead? Seriously...am I dead? I think my heart stopped forty minutes ago.

4:17
What the fuck is this? My score dropped to 9.3! Who's the little shit who rated me a 3? Why I oughta...

4:40
Sometimes I run,
(Sometimes)
Sometimes I hide...

4:46
Shit! SHIT! The computer just shut down! Now I have to completely rewrite my journal entry! DAMN YOU, AVRIL LIVIGNE!!!

4:57
Who. The FUCK. Is calling??? It's 5:00! On a Friday! FUCK YOU, PHONE! FUCK! YOU!

5:00
I'm out. Have a good weekend, y'all!

2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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