Before we get started, I have to ask: is Dawson's Creek, like, the worst show ever, or what? I mean seriously. I thought that was just understood, but apparently there are people out there that disagree with this irrefutable truth. To those people I say, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMOKING?" I mean, it was okay in its first season, but then in its second season it started to spin wildly out of control, and by its third year it was sucking rocks. Hard! The writing is pedestrian (at best), the characters are all predictable and obnoxious (and that's being charitable in most cases), and the "plotlines" are self-important, overblown, melodramatic, and unrealistic.
Honestly. Critics rant and rave about how "teenagers don't use those words", but that's a load of horse shit. In high school, my friends and I could've SAT vocab-ed your ass off, so there goes that theory. However, we didn't sit around making endless, self-referential metastatements about our own lives like a bunch of Psych junkies on a coke bender. And now Pacey's a stockbroker. The hell? Isn't this the guy who couldn't even figure out how to rent a freaking limo a year and a half ago? Whatever. That show is evil.
And on to the spiral. It seems I suffer from the occasional bout of clinical depression, and this is one of those bouts. It's an awful feeling, because you just start to disconnect from everything around you. The things that should be making you happy fail to cheer you up, and because of that, you panic and sink deeper. Then you start to wonder if there might be something morally wrong with you, because your feelings are so blunted, and you sink deeper still.
And you can't talk about it with anyone, either. At least, those of us without health insurance can't, anyway. No one wants to hear a clinically depressed person babble on about how much they hate their life without getting paid to do so, and can you really blame them? Still, that makes it even harder. And the more you try to act happy around the people who don't want to deal with your problems, the more it breaks your heart inside.
About two years ago I went through a very dark period where I cried whenever I was alone because nothing in my life made sense anymore. I made it through because I was surrounded by people that cared very deeply for me and were ready to carry me when I couldn't go on. Now? I'm 3,000 miles from my family, and I'm pretty much alone in this. It's frightening, but I'm determined to get through it. I have good genes, and a history of perseverence in the face of adversity.
Besides, if Pacey can become a stockbroker, I can do anything.