Dear Blair:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now, but lately I'm starting to wonder if I can trust him. It's not anything that he does really, just a general air about him. He seems colder and more aloof these days, but only with me. I've seen him with other women at office parties and such, and then he's just as warm and friendly as ever. What's wrong? Is it me, or has the magic just gone out of our relationship? What should I do?
--Frustrated in Boise
Dear "Frustrated":
Kill the bastard. Eviscerate him and then bury him in a shallow grave in the woods under a pile of rocks. Then, if you're feeling frisky, you can terrorize some lost campers or put a hex on a local village or something, and find yourself a real man. You want a hero and not a zero, sister friend! Oh, and don't call me 'Blair'.
--The Blair Witch
Dear BW:
Help! I've got a real dilemma here: I've been happily married for two years now, and I love my husband more than anything. However, last week I was out drinking with some friends and I kissed another man! I was drunk at the time, but is that really an excuse? Now I can't sleep or look my husband in the eye, and I can tell he knows something is wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me!
--Sleepless in Sheboygan
Dear "Sleepless":
If you can't sleep, take a fucking Demerol. And what the fuck kind of name is 'Sheboygan', anyway? Don't waste my time with this shit.
--The Blair Witch
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(The Blair Witch assumes no responsibility for any mass murders, hexes, or other crimes of passion perpetrated by its readers. If you try to pin it on her, she'll come to you in your sleep and burn you with her eyes. No, she's seriously crazy.)