� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� Three Simple Words �
11:48 a.m., 2003-05-08

I don�t mind telling you that it was a nerve-racking half-hour but it culminated in a beautiful moment with three simple words that I�d been waiting to here for going on ten weeks now.

Of course, I am talking about American Idol. There was a lot riding on this one, folks. As you know from last week, Justice had an uphill battle in front of him to reclaim his good name. In truth, I suppose, there is no justice -- even if Josh and The Dread Carmen were simultaneously voted off, and Vanessa Olivarez and Frenchie Davis (pardon me, I meant �Freedomie� Davis) were brought back into the competition on even the flimsiest of excuses, it still could never right all the wrongs. Last night, however, was a start.

Tensions were high as Ryan Seacrest announced the results of the vote. Would Josh be in the bottom two where he belonged? Or would he beat out Ruben for a second, unfathomable time in as many weeks? If Josh wasn�t in the bottom two, would Kimberley Locke go, or would one of the other boys? Were there actually people out there voting for Josh because they honestly thought he had musical talent? Who were these people? What show were they really watching? What the hell was wrong with them? Why were they trying to punish us by getting Trenyce kicked off last week in favor of Josh?

As it turned out, these questions were all moot, as Josh was indeed called out to the bottom two. That was a serious weight off our chests, but we weren�t out of the woods yet. When they returned from the commercial break, we all hunkered down, anticipating more of Seacrest�s idiotic filibustering before the final cut was made. We anticipated incorrectly, as it turned out. In a gloriously brutal moment, Seacrest welcomed us back to the show and announced, in the same breath, �Josh, you�re out.�

Hee! Woohoo! �Josh, you�re out!� No preamble, no mitigation, no, �Sorry, buddy, but this week�� before breaking the news. He just ripped that Band-Aid right off! Ha! And just like that, the quality of the show increased by about 30%.

I�m not sure where, exactly, that leaves me, however. Now that there�s no one on the show whose singing actually causes me to cringe, it can�t really be a guilty pleasure, can it? I mean, if there�s nothing about it you actively hate, why watch? It doesn�t have the novelty of the first season to propel the audience�s interest, and although Clay and Ruben are both charismatic and talented, no one has the irresistible spunk and charm of one Miss Kelly Clarkson, either. Well, we�ll see. I�ve come this far, I can�t turn back now.

* * *

Just to change things up a trifle, I wanted to ask if you guys have ever experienced this phenomenon: when you have a task or responsibility, and everyone takes you and your ability to accomplish it for granted, until for some reason they have to do it, and then all of a sudden it�s, like, criminal. See, that�s happened to me. Like, a lot.

Now it seems to have happened with the phones here. No one seemed to understand just how perfectly ridiculous the demands the sales managers make on me are in regards to the phone, until yesterday, when Zelda had to cover for me during my lunch hour. Dolly and Miranda were up to their usual tricks, and they really pissed Zelda the fuck off. And I love Zelda, too, bless her. She gets so indignant about everything, and then goes off in her lilting accent about it.

She�s all, �I just don�t understand! Why do they ask me to do these things?? They are not the only ones who are busy! Dolly refuses to take the call! Every time, she refuses! She always asks me to write down the information! I do not have the time to write down everyone�s information, as if the phone ever stops ringing long enough to do so! No, this must stop. That is ridiculous!�

Word, Zelda. Word.

Today�s Quiz: Which X-Men Character Are You Most Like?

storm
You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is a different X-Men quiz than the last one, I should point out.

Someone Got Here By Searching For: alanparsonsproject videos And: girl in tj maxx commercial I�m Excited Because: Staples is coming today, and they�re delivering a new mouse and pad all for me! I�m a Little Paranoid, Though, Because: I sort of, um, didn�t clear it? You know, with my boss? So they don�t really know about the purchase. But they can�t, like, get mad at me about it, right? We need these things! Oh shit, there goes my job.

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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