Dear Sharon,I�m not sure exactly how to say this, except to just say it. Please stop calling me! And please don�t take it personally, either, because it isn�t about "you". It�s me. I�ve just�moved on with my life, and I really wish you�d be able to do the same. I�ve been ignoring your calls, not because I�m heartless, but because I was hoping you would get the hint and we could end this thing and each retain a little dignity. It�s a shame you couldn�t see that. I don�t want that car, Sharon. I�m sorry.
And don�t start in on me again about the leather interior and the turbo engine and the blah blah blah. That car�s leather interior is no match for my bank account�s empty interior, and we both know that. Besides, I don�t entirely appreciate the passive-aggressive way you try to guilt trip me into paying out thousands upon thousands of dollars for a car with a bunch of unnecessary options. The casual observer might call that business practice "shitty". If that casual observer is yours truly. Which it is.
Seriously, if I wanted to be guilted into something, I�ve already got a mother. And you know, persistence can be a very good quality�in, like, a Federal Agent or a social activist. In a salesperson, that indefatigable determination takes on a far less positive light. It�s not as easy to admire tenacity in someone whose ultimate goal is suck you dry like a financial tapeworm. I�m just saying.
You also seem to be laboring under the mistaken impression that we�re "friends". We are not. By and large, my friends understand that when I say, "No thank you, I�m really, really, seriously, extra-not interested in financing, or otherwise purchasing, an automobile from you at this time or any other time, in perpetuity," that it means no, period. Given that your interpretation of this phrase seems to be, "Try again, but this time really put some oomph into it," I�m going to have to point out the obvious fact that we seem to have a communication problem.
Now, you seem like a really great person, Sharon, and no one can take that away from you! Just because it didn�t work out for us, doesn�t mean that you�ll never find a successful relationship with some other poor schmuck�excuse me, I mean "buyer". I�m just not the guy. But, hey, it was fun while it lasted, you know? We�ll always have that Saturday afternoon when we zipped around in the midday sun, flipping off pedestrians and listening to the radio, even though I kind of told you I didn�t want the radio on, because what with the top down and the music blasting I couldn�t really hear, and you didn�t listen to me because you wanted me to see how powerful the speakers really were and so you turned it up really, really loud and it got on my nerves.
I guess maybe that was the beginning of the end. But even still, no one can take that away that from us. From either of us. And I feel it�s only fair that you should know I still sometimes think of that afternoon fondly. Not that it means we�ll ever be together again, heaven help me, because we won�t. We�re definitely finished. But I just wanted to make sure you knew our time together wasn�t always bad.
Anyway, I hope that, apart, we can learn and grow and become better, stronger people. I hope you find a customer that will bring you happiness, Sharon, and a big, fat commission. But I think it would be best if we closed the book on "us", and just moved forward from here.
Thanks for the memories, Sharon. I shan�t forget you.
Sincerely,
Dr. No
PS�Don�t call me anymore, ever. I mean it.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: don�t break my heart greeting And: "he was totally out of line" I�m Watching: American Idol, but only in snippets, because it sucks now. And: Arrested Development, which always rocks, but�why is James Lipton haunting me?