She was not going to let me out of there. I could see it in her eyes; the cold, steely mien of a huntress determined to trap a particularly troublesome prey. I shifted slightly in my seat and her eyes flickered immediately to the door, calculating the distance and estimating just how far I�d make it before she pounced
I had just finished test-driving the Beetle convertible at the Volkswagen dealership, and Sharon, the saleswoman, was not going to let me out of the office until I�d signed something. It was almost pathological the way she would counter every comment with some kind of mitigating offer:
Me: You know, I�m really just looking�Sharon: Sure, but you just love the car.
Me: Right, but I don�t know yet if I can afford it.
Sharon: We�ve got a really good deal this weekend! Let�s see what we can get for you�
Me: You know, I�d really like to just wait a while�
Sharon: This deal won�t be around next weekend!
Me: Neither will I, at this rate. Look, I�m just checking out my options, and�
Sharon: I think the girl at the desk over there likes you, do you want her number?
Me: �Does that come standard?
And so on, like that. I finally managed to convince Sharon that I really just wanted to think about it (the �it� being the staggeringly high price of the vehicle as compared to the staggeringly low number of dollars in my bank account), and rose to leave. "Wait here," she commanded, and then took off before I could say anything, returning with her manager a few minutes later to try and really hard-sell me on the convertible.It�s not that I don�t want it --- it was an amazing experience to sit behind the wheel and race around with the afternoon sun shining on my face --- but there are compatibility issues (mainly betwixt, as I mentioned, the price and my cash flow). Anyway, I explained my hesitancy to Manuel, who let me go without any further ado, so if I could get Sharon to stop calling my cell phone, we�d be all good. Seriously, she called me twice yesterday: "Just wanted to see if you have any questions!" Only one, Sharon, and that question is, what the hell is wrong with you???
Another thing I did over the weekend was discover this really cool Co-op, jam-packed with all sorts of organic crap! It was really pretty cool. They even had this wall o� spices, wherefrom you can select various seasonings in bulk, and not have to pay $18 for a jar of poppy seeds, which you plan to use once and only once when making your grandmother�s famous lemon cake that you don�t even like but feel obligated to bake for a family get-together. Or what have you.
Anyway, the wall o� spices also featured a great big jar of cardamom, which I�d always heard about, but never actually encountered before. So I unscrewed the lid, stuck my whole face inside the opening and took a great big whiff.
I swear that stuff must be a government controlled substance, because those fumes hit me like an angry pimp and about 30% of my brain shut down instantaneously. I think I drooled a little bit. All I know is that that shit was so fucking strong I nearly slipped into another dimension. I felt like I was on Quaaludes for the next thirty minutes, and tottered around on the balls of my feet, trying to catch pixies in the produce department.
Seriously, y�all. Just say �no� to car salesmen and cardamom.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: boyfriend+less+interested+in+me And: huge prosthetic breasts I�m Finished With: The Devil in the White City, and it was brilliantly written. I�m Reading: Barrel Fever by David Sedaris, and not only is it brilliantly written, but I haven�t laughed this hard in a good long while.