Hey, do you guys remember when Jennifer Love Hewitt was famous? Yeah, me either.
I only bring that up because last night was the long-awaited finale of American Idol (by which phrasing I mean to capture the general feeling of, "Please let it end soon!"), and Ms. Love Hewitt was one of the host-type-people. Meaning that she conducted a few pointless interviews with some of the former contestants. Her pointlessness was only exceeded by that of a former contestant herself, Christina Christian, who showed the world that it is in fact possible to get a job as a TV correspondent without having any real facility in that arena. Like, at all. I mean I saw her interview with Ray Romano -- of whom I�m not the world�s biggest fan, let me just say up front -- and it was painful. I am loathe to give the man too much credit (even though he does put up with Patricia Heaton on a regular basis, and for that alone deserves the Purple Heart), but he was tossing good bantering material at Christina Christian left and right, and the poor girl looked like a fish who just got a bicycle.
Oh, and also, who the hell was operating the camera over at the Georgia Dome, home to several thousand squalling Diana Degarmo fans? If they pushed that thing any closer to Kimberly Caldwell�s face, I�d have been able to give her an exfoliating facial scrub from the comfort of my own bedroom.
All this is neither here nor there. I guess I only used it as a sort of an intro to today�s entry. You see, I�m about to depart for my vacation, and I�m not sure if I�ll be able to update much while I�m gone. Since I�m totally swamped at work, trying to get everything as up-to-date as possible before I go, I need something I can come back to periodically throughout the day. Never one to go my own way (unless it suits me), I am going to jump on the bandwagon and fill out this survey thing that�s going around�
1. Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text.
"The Boy From New York City" by the Ad Libs. I�m an oldies fan at heart, I suppose, and that song just makes me happy. Plus, any song that employs the rhyme And he�s cute / in his mohair suit kind of rules the world anyway.
2. A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life.
"Wise Up" by Aimee Mann, which is a truly heartbreaking song that totally captures that feeling of desolation you have when you recognize the extent to which you�re responsible for your own situation.
3. Ever bought an entire album just for one song and winded up disliking everything but that song? Gimme that song.
Oh my gosh, that�s how I lived my life in the days before Napster! I think the best example of this would have to be "Boom", from the album of the same name by Trinket. The song is kinda lame, but the album itself is a horrorshow of mediocre crap.
4. A song whose lyrics you thought you knew in the past, but about which you later learned you were incorrect.
Okay, technically I knew all the lyrics correctly, but I somehow completely missed for the longest time that Madonna�s "Where Life Begins" was an extremely thinly-veiled double-entendre about oral sex. Maybe it�s because I was about 12 at the time I heard it, but�even that�s no excuse. Sigh.
5. Your least favorite song on one of your favorite albums of all time.
"In the Flesh" from Blondie�s eponymous debut album. Love the band, love the album (even the novelty song "Attack of the Giant Ants"), but something about the schmaltzy pastiche of "In the Flesh" leaves me cold, despite its being among their greatest hits.
6. A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent.
"N 2 Gether Now" by Limp Bizkit, feat. Method Man. I love Method Man, but Fred Durst gives me the heebie-jeebies.
7. Your favorite song that has expletives in it that's not by Liz Phair.
"Kyle�s Mom is a Big Fat Bitch" by Eric Cartman.
8. A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't.
The hell? What kind of question is this? Um�how about "Kiss Them For Me" by Siouxsie and the Banshees? Oh wait, they are British. I give up.
9. A song you like (possibly from your past) that took you forever to finally locate a copy of.
"A Lover�s Concerto" by The Toys, because I had no idea what the name of the song was, or who it was by, and the title isn�t in the lyrics. I felt like a fucking superhero when I finally tracked that song down.
10. A song that reminds you of spring but doesn't mention spring at all.
"On My Own" by Peach Union. I�ve got no good reason for that, it just does.
11. A song that sounds to you like being happy feels.
I know that "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves has been taken, but it really does sound like happy. The judges would also accept "Springtime" by St. Etienne as an answer to this question.
12. Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album.
Probably "Corazon" by Titan, from Pink Panther�s Penthouse Party.
13. A song from your past that would be considered politically incorrect now (and possibly was then).
"Cherry Pie" by Warrant, which objectifies women in a very catchy way.
14. A song sung by an overweight person.
Hands down: "Dream a Little Dream of Me" by Mama Cass.
15. A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise hate.
This also falls under the category of Songs I�m Embarrassed To Admit I Like, but "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by the rather loathesome Paula Cole.
16. A song by a band (whose members actually play instruments) that features three or more female members.
The Bangles "Hazy Shade of Winter" is a great cover of a great song, and I love the crap out of it.
17. One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to.
"Hit the Road, Jack" by Ray Charles -- my Dad is a huge Ray Charles fan, and he and my mother used to make my sister and I dance to this. It was probably a lot cuter and a lot less weird than it looks in writing.
18. A song you've been mocked by friends for liking.
That would be "Candy" by Mandy Moore, and I cannot believe I just willingly confessed to that without first undergoing a procedure involving bamboo shoots being jammed under my fingernails.
19. A really good cover version you think no one else has heard.
"Don�t Fear the Reaper" by Gus. They slowed it down and made it an accoustic ballad, which really gave it a new flavor and captured another side of the lyrics.
20. A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation.
"Alarm Call" by Bjork usually makes me a little hopeful, and the beat is very catchy.
And I guess that�s it! I�ll try to update when I can, but I gotta go now. See y�all when I get back!
Someone Got Here By Searching For: don�t mean to harangue you I�m Watching: The American Idol finale, and feeling more than guilty than if I�d eaten an entire chocolate cake by myself. And: Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. Gotta get my fill, since I won�t have that overseas�