� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� Take That, Linear Thought! �
1:07 p.m., 2004-05-26

Oy. So, about the New Girl; she�s�perky. And I don�t know if I mean that as a compliment. Not that there�s anything wrong with a little enthusiasm (even if it is in the workplace), but I�m getting a bit sick of this "Golly gee whiz, I sure can�t wait to start filing!" attitude of hers. Also, if she comes busting into my office when I�m online, talking about how bored she is because she doesn�t have any work to do, I�m going to kick her in the teeth.

But I guess it cold be a lot worse. Things are getting down to the wire, in terms of my approaching vacation, and it�s beginning to become frightfully apparent that this office might really depend on me as much as I exaggerate that it does. That�s actually a terrifying thought. I think if I just up and walked out the door one day, Anna would spontaneously implode, like a collapsing galaxy. That would be totally awesome. Maybe it would prompt her to start keeping her own records, as opposed to just sending me condescending emails about how the fact that I�m not maintaining all paperwork relating to her problems is making it hard for her to do her job, since she likes to throw all of her papers away immediately to conserve space and therefore can't ever remember any issues to which I refer, and thusly needs me to fax over all corresponding notes. What the fuck am I, her filing cabinet? Blow it out your ass, Anna.

Anyway, I�ve got a day and a half left, and the excitement is palpable! I�ve never gone on a vacation of my own before, like a real, responsible adult, and I�m rather excited to see how that�s going to play out. I�m at once thrilled, anxious, hopeful, fearful, and impatient. I can�t wait to go, and every day that I sit down in front of my computer and get another asinine email, the urge to get the hell out of this place sweeps over me like the Call of the Wild. Just hopefully I won�t go crazy, or eat a live animal like they did in that book.

Did you guys ever notice that all of Jack London�s stories were about men or dogs either freezing to death or going crazy in the Yukon? That�s a very limited target audience, there, Jack-o. Also? Bo-ring!

But that isn�t the point. The point is that I really haven�t had much free time, and what little time I�ve had to myself, that I might endeavor to call "free", has been tempered by this overweening exhaustion I�ve been feeling. I assume that�s some kind of instinctual side effect my body is exhibiting in response to my brain�s anticipation of next week. Frankly, I think my brain is already in Switzerland now, and it�s just biding time till the rest of me shows up. Which would explain why I�m mentally jet�lagged all the time. Either that or else I just don�t give a crap. Either/or.

Anyway, I�m a trifle scattered, so I apologize for the erratic nature of this entry. Now, if you�ll excuse me, I have about a zillion things to do, and some very perky teeth to kick.

Someone Got Here By Searching For: something my little brother will think is cool I�m Watching: American Idol, and I still don�t really care. And: 24. Am I the only one who giggled when Chase got his hand amputated?

A Year Ago, I Said:

From about 9:00 on, it was all beer and Skittles, and British-slangy convos about "getting pissed" and "taking the piss" and "pissing off". What is it with British people and the verb "to piss", anyway?

Incidentally, I probably just tripled my Google hits.
Gentlemen, Start Your Amphibianns!
5-23-2003

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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