Once again, I have no idea what to write about today. I feel like there�s been so much going on�and at the same time, so very little�that it�s impossible to come up with an adequate topic of discussion. I mentioned my new job, which is still going well (by which I mean I am still employed, and eating several times a day!), and my haircut, which is also still going well. By which I mean that I haven�t yet screamed at it to start getting better, which I used to do all the time. I mean, in retrospect, I think maybe I needed professional help. I took it so personally when my hair would get in my eyes, like it was doing it on purpose to get back at me for that period of time in the early nineties when I used aerosol hairspray.
But you have to understand: everybody used aerosol back then! It was like Woodstock for chlorofluocarbons in those days, with everybody shellacking their hair into crunchy sculptures with body and wave. Or, in my case, sticking straight up. I did have The Hair That Defied Gravity, I confess. Looking back, it was also The Hair That Defied Conventional Wisdom And Good Taste, but I was, like, thirteen or some shit. You�re not supposed to have conventional wisdom at thirteen. Although, you should at least have a mirror. Have you seen the way modern thirteen year-olds are dressing? They look like they inherited Christina Aguilera�s wardrobe from her �STD free-for-all� stage. It�s creepy enough when people objectify children, without them doing it to themselves.
MY kids (I�m going to have kids�I�ve decided, and I�m done apologizing for being gay) will NOT be dressed like common whores. I mean, at the very least, I would expect them to dress like respectable, expensive whores, the kind who might get in, like, the high triple digits per night. I�m not appearing on anyone�s Best Dressed list, but I have enough sartorial savvy that no child of mine will be caught dead wearing one of those bullshit tiny ruffled skirts before she reaches puberty. Even after that, frankly. No child of mine will wear one of those until either one or both of us are dead. Those and Uggs. I�m not sure how Inuit footwear became Los Angeles chic, but it�s dumber than shit.
Also dumber than shit? Me. I seem to have developed this uncanny ability to fuck up every time I set my VCR to tape something. It began last Friday when I somehow managed to NOT tape America�s Next Top Model, and instead got some bullshit episode of Enterprise. I attributed this to Friday the 13th mojo, but then the streak continued unabated over the next week, as I managed to a) not tape Family Guy, b) tape 24�and then tape over it before I got to watch it, and c) not tape the second half of Alias. I basically set my VCR to tape UPN for about six hours tonight to make damn good and sure that I get the ANTM finale. I haven�t been spoiled for it yet, but�well, let�s just leave it there. I don�t need to jinx myself. Like I need the help.
Oh! Also, and I can�t believe I forgot to mention this, the window mechanism in my car suddenly stopped functioning! Last week I got in my car to drive home from work�and you should know I have to park in the sun out here, so of course my car was like a fucking kiln or something�and suddenly my driver�s side window won�t roll down! All the others will roll down, just not mine. Which is the most vital one of all, because who looks like a moron more than the guy who has to open his door to take a parking stub at the mall, or worse, to pay for parking on the way out? Well, I suppose the guy who tries to pay the two dollars in pennies looks like a bigger moron, but frankly, �that guy� is still �me� so the argument stands.
Anyway, the weekend fast approaches. Tonight is Jessica�s birthday celebration, a night of much debauchery in the past. It will be promising, and what with dating someone who only got his degree LAST SUNDAY, I�ve been studying up on how to hold my liquor.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: cut fingernails fuck I�m Watching: Well, I�ve been watching a lot of Passions, and a lot of not much else. I�m Excited About: All the ads I�ve been seeing for the soon-to-be-released mini-series version of Empire Falls! Hooray!