A strange feeling suffuses me, tingling through every nerve in my body. It is a sense of something being absent, or more accurately, a sense of some goal not being achieved; a psychological imperative not being fulfilled. My subconscious strives for happiness, but what it wants, I�m not giving it. Perhaps I am being too monkish, depriving myself of what it is I want most. Or perhaps I�m just being smart, since what I want would be ultimately destructive.
You see, gentle reader, what I want most? Is to shop. Well, I guess I shouldn�t say most. What I want most is financial security, a rewarding personal and professional life, and a passionate, ongoing relationship with Guy Pearce, just like everybody else. But just for the sake of immediate gratification (because if you can�t have it right away, how is it at all gratifying?) my soul wants to continue Christmas shopping.
I�m not saying there aren�t a few DVDs and a killer suede jacket from J. Crew that would also put a smile on its metaphysical countenance (provided it even has one -- I�m not a Catholic, so I never learned about that stuff), but at present I�m not looking to glut myself on personal gain. (That, of course, is for after the Holidays.) Having spent the last four months buying gifts for Christmas and various birthdays, I suddenly feel a void when I realize that I�m all done now. And it feels�awkward.
Of course, I really, really can�t afford to do any more shopping, which I knew would happen and which is why I started back in September, but now I�ve got the itch. This happens to a lot of people, or so I�m told, and it�s not terribly difficult to see why. First of all, once you get past the initial shock of spending so damn much money, you start to get Shopper�s Euphoria. Everyone loves to accumulate, heaven knows, and not only are you accumulating at an exponential rate, but you�re not even doing it for you, so there�s no guilt factor!
On a far more selfless note, I think everyone loves to give a gift to a loved one that they know will be cherished. Some of us, of course, suffer from Gift Panic -- that horrible feeling that your present will be welcomed with a forced, "Oh�neat," and that you�ll have to hide your face in shame at family gatherings for years to come -- but, well, the benefits far outweigh the possible drawbacks. And besides, there are already plenty of other reasons to hide one�s face in shame at family gatherings.
In any case, I have completed my shopping, and should be enjoying the fact that there is no more pressure on me to accomplish it all at the last minute. Instead, it would seem, I have become a shopping junkie, suffering withdrawal. Do you think they have clinics for this sort of thing?
Someone Got Here By Searching For: "and I call your name", "my girl" lyrics And: wardress uniform I�m Watching: Mr. Holland�s Opus, for the first time. Two thumbs up, incidentally. I�m Also Watching: Jumpin� Jack Flash, for the umpteenth time. Also two thumbs up, even though it�s not really what one would call a "good" movie.