Last night I caught a rerun of the premiere episode of Bravo�s new reality show, Manhunt. Whoever thought this concept up? Call me, because I want to buy you a drink. Or a house. Seriously, who can come up with a better idea for a show than �Gorgeous men romp around in their underwear�? Well, aside from maybe �Gorgeous men in their underwear go over to Dr. No�s house and bathe him�. Now, that�s a show I�d bankroll!
The downside of watching a show about gorgeous wannabe male models is�well, first the inferiority complex, but secondly the fact that as soon as they start talking, the bloom is pretty much off the rose. Like the one guy who insisted that, by going on the show, he intended to prove models could not only be hot, but also �smart in the head�.
Me: �
Sigh. Smart in the head? That�s like misspelling �misspelling�. It�s like�no. Just stand there with your shirt off and don't try so hard.The other thing that�s difficult about watching this show, though, is when they use their powers for evil. Like when they pick up skanky chicks, or flirt their way in and out of clubs or parking tickets, or refer to themselves in the third person. No one should refer to themselves in the third person unless they�re wearing either a powdered wig or a live animal. And it hurts the universe when pretty, pretty men act like pompous, arrogant assholes because they �know� they�re pretty. Don�t tell me you�re pretty, my pets, let me tell you. While you fan me with a palm frond and scrub that spot between my shoulder blades that I can�t reach.
My personal favorites are the Brazilian guy with the great cheekbones and the guy who looks like a regular old college student, because he�s got a very wry sense of humor. I also like the African-American guy with the big hair, but somebody needs to tell him to let the Don King look go. I just can�t advocate that. I love that he identifies himself as �the gay one�, though, as if that really distinguishes him from the group of body-image obsessed male models. �Which one is he?� �He�s the gay one. Not the one who doesn�t want to wear white because he thinks it makes him look fat, he�s the gay one.� �Ohhhh.�
I didn�t much care for the guy who was skinny and afraid to jump out of the plane. That�s my gig, you know? I�m the skinny guy who�s afraid of heights! Quit stealing my sunshine, male model wannabe. I liked the Abercrombie & Fitch-looking guy until started talking. About himself. All the time. And I think I like the guy with the fauxhawk, because he�s cute, albeit a little whiny. Anyway, I can always put the TV on mute and just watch them, and that�s fine too. They�re certainly not as compelling as the girls from America�s Next Top Model, but then there�s only been one episode thus far, so maybe I should give them more of a shot.
Then again, maybe I should stop being so nice. As many of them will no doubt tell you, they receive all kinds of special treatment already. I love when people say stuff like, �We good-looking people get a lot of breaks that other people don�t,� like the rest of us commoners are so fugly we�re actually handicapped by it. Like we need to be educated about being attractive the same way National Geographic might explain blow-dart hunting or aboriginal lip plates. �Handsome? What is this �handsome�? Is that like money? How much does it weigh?� Douchebags.
Not that I have some huge objection to disgustingly gorgeous men with perfect features -- they definitely have their appeal. However, for my personal tastes, I prefer people who are a little more offbeat or unorthodox. I like guys who have flaws. Not like kleptomania or leprosy or whatever, but something that makes them seem a little less �Mount Olympus� and a little more �Earth�. I don�t think that�s too picky.
Anyway, the best part about Manhunt is that I can watch beautiful guys, and then make them shut up when I don�t like what comes out of their mouth. I figured that out, because I�m smart in the head.