You know, guys, I don�t want to alarm you or anything, but I think I may actually be getting the hang of this job.
Okay, that�s a slight exaggeration, especially given that I still don�t really know what this job is exactly, but the day to day is becoming easier! Like I had to run three phone conferences yesterday, and only screwed them up minimally! Today, I walked into my office and had four emails marked urgent, and I walked out with only two! And two others that weren�t marked urgent. Admittedly, this was only because the little red flags kept making me queasy, but they were different emails marked urgent! Well, one of them was. I think. I�m trying not to remember directly, but my point is that shitloads of urgent messages came through today and I took care of almost all of them.
We won�t talk about that stack of papers on the corner of my desk under the little note that reads �WTF?�
Anyway, I�ve come to look at this, my training process, as sort of an immersion course. You know how, like, when you take a foreign language? And the teacher only speaks that language to you, and no English, effectively making you force yourself to understand what they�re saying, and thusly the language? Yeah, that�s what this job is like. If I want to survive, I�ve got to force myself to understand what the shit people are talking about, and how I�m supposed to do all this stuff.
Did I mention the papers marked �WTF?� I�m trying not to think of them directly, either.
Anyway, there are times at which I really start to get in the groove when I�m at work, though. All of a sudden, I�m in The Zone, and I�m cranking out emails left and right, processing paperwork, schmoozing people on the phone, and contributing to staff meetings! Then I start thinking, �Hey, you know what? This isn�t half bad! Maybe this is something I could be good at!�
And then I get scared, because I don�t know that I want to be good at this. I mean, it's not that there's anything fundamentally wrong with doing what I do and being good at it, or even enjoying it (maybe), but it's just not what I want to do. And I sometimes worry that I won't ever get to do what I want to do, and that that means that I'll be stuck running phone conferences forever, like some kind of Sisyphean torture visited upon one of the more nefarious types in Hades, and it freaks me out and makes me stress and hate my job again. Sigh. It's a vicious cycle.
Of course, if they don't replace the sugar at the coffee station soon, this will all be moot, because I�ll just be rotting in jail forever for manslaughter.
That's actually a very lovely sentiment, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm a little more spastic than Proverbs.
