10:35am
To: Veronica
From: Susie
Subject: Our meeting this morningHi Veronica,
First of all, this isn�t actually Susie, this is Dr. No, but I don�t have my own email yet, so I�m using Susie�s old account. I just wanted to send you a quick recap of our meeting for this morning, the 17th, for your records. To wit:
You asked a bunch of questions, I didn�t know any of the answers, we both wondered why Sophie had me go through with the meeting even though she couldn�t attend, I asked a bunch of questions on behalf of Sophie that you couldn�t answer, I promised to have my boss call your boss to talk about all above issues, and then we talked about boys for twenty minutes.
Hope that helps you out. Thanks!
--Dr. No
* * *11:23am
To: Keiko
From: Susie
Subject: Re: Fwd: Invalid account info and RARRSTBUPR
Keiko,
Okay, first of all? Susie doesn�t work here anymore. Remember? This is Dr. No, and I�m using Susie�s old account. Secondly -- Huh? Wha? What is all this stuff? Who are these people? What do those initials even mean, and why did you send this to me? What the hell am I supposed to DO with it? Should I forward this to Sophie or something? Also, you still haven�t gotten back to me about that meeting we�re supposed to have with your client this afternoon! Is it still on? Have they cancelled? Why wasn�t it on Susie�s calendar? What�s going on?
--Dr. No
* * *11:48am
To: Sophie
From: Susie
Subject: Re: LMO meeting
Sophie,
I don�t mean to sound ignorant or whatever, but what�s this meeting about? It isn�t on my (Susie�s) calendar. Why did you tell Carol that I would initiate the meeting this afternoon at 3:30? I don�t know what meeting this is. What will we be talking about? Is there anything special I ought to know going into this meeting, like what LMO stands for, for example? Please get back to me on this.
--Dr. No
* * *1:23pm
To: Susie
From: Susie
Subject: My (your) schedule
Susie,
Okay. I know you�re not with the company anymore, and technically this doesn�t really concern you, but in going over your calendar I have noticed a few glaring discrepancies. Most notably, it has come to my attention that you have left off several meetings that you neglected to tell me about before you left. Just for instance, this LMO meeting you were apparently going to run today. And this status report you were supposed to give Donnie in San Fran that I didn�t know about until he called twenty minutes ago. Are there any more I should know about? Please write back when you can. Thanks!
--Dr. No
PS�What does LMO stand for? Sophie won�t write me back. Thanks!
* * *3:13pm
To: Public Email
From: Susie
Subject: Which one of you douchebags took the sugar?
Okay, which one of you cock-smoking douchebags TOOK the FUCKING sugar from the coffee station, huh? WHO WAS IT??? I know you guys aren�t actually DRINKING THE COFFEE, because you all bitch and moan like a bunch of whiny little babies about how strong I make it, so I KNOW you don�t have any reason for taking an entire fucking box of sugar from the coffee station! Was it you, Corinne? I know it was you. Go to the grocery store and buy your own fucking sugar if you want to bake your daughter at college some fucking cookies! Some of us NEED SUGAR, Corinne! I have a meeting in fifteen minutes, and I NEED MY COFFEE! If I don�t get sugar in the next fifteen minutes, I�m going to come right down there and shit in your handbag, Corinne. I�m not kidding.
--Dr. No
* * *5:35pm
To: Tony in Data Entry
From: Susie
Subject: Those reports you just dropped in my inbox
Tony,
I was supposed to have those reports two hours ago! I�m supposed to be gone now!!! Where were those reports two hours ago??? Where were those reports thirty-five MINUTES ago, when I started the end of the day faxes??? Those reports have NEVER been late before! I should be leaving! I could be at home RIGHT NOW if I�d left at 5:30 like I was supposed to, but now I have to stick around for another ten minutes, waiting for the reports to go through that I was supposed to have TWO HOURS AGO! Why are you doing this to me? Did you hear about Corinne�s handbag? Don�t fuck with me, Tony.
--Dr. No
PS�Stop calling me �Susie�.
