� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� F�r Ihren H�renden Genu� �
10:44 a.m., 2003-12-04

You know what�s really interesting? German oldies. Did you know that there�s this whole radio station on iTunes that plays classic pop hits of the 50s�from Germany? Is there really a strong market for that? I mean, if there are enough people kicking around that get really nostalgic over Anita warbling Gl�ck in der Tasche (which roughly translates to �gl�ck in the bag�), mightn�t some of them be Nazis?

I mean, not all of them, of course. There are a lot of Germanic people who had nothing whatsoever to do with the Nazi movement (said the Germanic boy, defensively), but knowing what kind of an atmosphere immediately preceded the era into which these songs were born, I can�t help but get a little suspicious when Anita starts waving that bag of gl�ck around, you know?

Still, it�s all frighteningly entertaining. But I�m irritated by the fact that although they purport themselves to be "pop hits from the 50s/60s", they�re playing shit by Dionne Warwick. Ich Warte Jeden Tag, if you must know, which translates into �I wait each day� even though the song is just a German version of You�ll Never Get to Heaven (If You Break My Heart), which was recorded way after the 50s. Like, who do you think you�re fooling, Herr DJ? Is this part of your Nazi mind control? You�ll never get me!!

I think most of these are drinking songs, though, which have admittedly already got me. Except this one now, which sounds like Strawberry Fields Forever for the mandolin. Who can drink to that? Actually, who can listen to that without drinking?

Another thing I did this morning was sign a gigantic stack of Holiday greeting cards on behalf of the office. I love how they have these cards out that are supposed to be general and all-inclusive, with sayings like �Happy Holidays� or �Season�s Greetings�, but then they write it in huge red and green lettering over a picture of a great big Christmas tree, like, oh yeah, that�s non-denominational. I mean, it�s not like it�s a really big deal, or whatever, because it isn�t like people send out greeting cards for Hanukkah the way they do for Christmas (at least, not to me, they don�t), but still.

Also, and this is just a total non-sequitor, I hate my rental car. It�s a piece of shit, and I can�t figure out how to park it. Last night, I was trying like hell to find a space and I totally nudged somebody and then backed into van. I just tapped it, and there was no damage (just some smudges), but still. I want my freaking car back.

Someone Got Here By Searching For: how unsanitary are public bathrooms And: stomach pump I�m Watching: That new Jessica Simpson video, and it�s suddenly very, very funny. I�m Listening To: Some radio show called Der Plattenschrank, which I think means �the veggie tray�.

A Year Ago, I Said:

"I stalled out four times, nearly gave myself whiplash trying to merge lanes, and accidentally honked at some lady when I was trying to shut off my turn signal. I still don't know what that was about."
A Little Gene and Roger
12-4-2002

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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