What? I don�t mean to judge, but�what the hell is that about? Is Chloe Severgnar�chwrndrgny supposed to be some kind of ornithologist or something? Or does she, like, live in somewhere in central Asia that she should be especially concerned about the Avian Flu? Why a) are they talking to her about this, and b) should I care what the hell Chloe S�ven�fn�ne thinks about it? And why she gotta scorn on old people?
So on Sunday night, as Ulrich and I were settling down to watch a movie together, I put my glasses and heard a very loud and unfortunate snapping sound. And then the arm of my glasses FELL OFF. It seems that some weird internal part that attaches to the hinge disintegrated for some unknown reason after two years of non-exposure to the elements. Of course it couldn�t be that, like, a screw popped out or a nose pad came off�no, rather some inaccessible piece of solid metal had to snap clean through, leaving me with absolutely no reparative options.
This was also just an insult, topping the injury of a month ago when the SAME THING happened to my sunglasses. What am I doing to my glasses that their internal parts are snapping like drag queens in a turf war? I paid a lot of money for these glasses, y�all (okay, not the sunglasses, no, but the real glasses) and �collapsibility� was a quality in which I was declaratively NOT interested. They�ve got those springs in the joints, too, so that you can kind of bend the arms all every which way and they don�t break on you, so WTF? Where was the bendy on Sunday night? Where was the spring?
I�ll tell you where the spring was: it was still in the other joint. So when I tried to just REST my glasses on my face, like frigging pince-nez or something, the remaining spring contracted, causing them to jut out on the one side and droop flaccidly down on the other, like they had some kind of palsy. So I still couldn�t see anything. I mean, without my glasses I may see everything in double, or blurry to the point where I�m unable to recognize my typos because all the letters just look like little smudges, and what I�m trying to delete and replace might actually just be a bug reposing on my monitor, but those of you with glasses know that if they don�t sit right? The world starts looking like one of those PSA movies from the late sixties about LSD, where everything�s all distorted and the Hendrix-Lite starts playing and everyone pushes their face into the lens and cackles like Satan�s henhouse. It�s not fun, is what I�m saying.
So last night I had to go to the stupid store and buy more stupid frames for my lenses. As it turns out, I�d have probably been better off stepping on the lens and crushing it into fairy dust, since even that would have been less expensive than buying the new frames. See, I had to get frames that would fit the already-ground lenses (buying lenses AND frames is prohibited by my current monetary anorexia), but since my lenses are sort of atypical in shape, it meant I had to get the exact frames I bought before. You know, TWO YEARS AGO. And of course, they only had two viable pairs left, neither of them exactly the same, both of them about fifty dollars more expensive than they were when they were on sale TWO YEARS AGO. But what choice did I have? I could have just gone quietly into that dark night, I suppose, but it�s hard to be quiet when your myopia causes you to drive into a parked car.
The upshot is, I have new glasses. Sort of. And �hl�� S�v�r�dth�ngy isn�t afraid of you, BIRD FLU, so BRING IT ON!
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �you break it, you buy it� I�m Watching: The Curve, which was a solid piece of shit, BUT it starred both Michael Vartan and Keri Russell, so how can you go wrong? I�m Reading: White Hot, by Sandra Brown, upon recommendation of my mother. So far, it�s not bad. Not my typical reading, but I�ll keep an open mind.