Okay, I just got back from a party, and yes, I�m drunk. It�s been a while since my last drunken entry, so I thought maybe it was time. Actually, that�s not strictly true. I�ve been trying to update every Monday night anyway (trying�please note the optimism rather than the verity in that word), and it just so happens that I had a party tonight, at which there was the evil alcohol. Purveyed by the nefarious Open Bar. Although I still didn�t get as drunk as I should have. I mean, those bastards. Seriously, they said �open bar�, but they only meant beer, wine, and �well� drinks. By which I came to understand they meant, ��Well�, not anything with whiskey...� What the fuck?
Anyway, Competition-Based Reality Show premiered tonight, and they had a little viewing party. I learned not shortly after beginning my tenure there that it was actually slightly less �competition� based, and more focused on �exploitation�, but that�s so much more up my alley, anyway. Most of the cast members were there, and after a few drinks, I started introducing myself around. It made me sad, a little, the way they kind of talked down to me. Like I was just this poor, unfortunate Nobody, slaving away for them at the bottom of the totem pole. Mind you, I didn�t feel bad because I was being condescended to, but because I�ve seen several of them naked and/or crying on film, and there�s just something depressing about a person feigning superiority when you�ve giggled while playing and replaying their absolutely most humiliating moments over and over.
Really I also feel a little bad for the contestants, because after a few drinks I started telling them in this really grave, Ted Baxter voice that I�d seen everything�everything�that happened during the course of filming. Then I�d look at them really pointedly and kind of raise my eyebrows a hare, as if to say, �You�ve got no secrets from ME, buck-o.� And then they would squirm a little uncomfortably and make an excuse for why they had to go talk to somebody else. Upsetting pretty people who think they�re famous is fun.
I�m really tired right now, you guys. I�ve been tired for several days, even though last night I got to bed at a fairly reasonable time. For someone in the Philippines. I�m just saying. I was so busy today that I even missed watching Passions, which is truly unfortunate. Last Friday, Dr. Eve Russell was trying to convince Luis that, in her opinion as a medical professional, he needed to knock Sheridan up fast, or else Sheridan would totally go insane. I really wanted to see where that plot line was going. I love this �pregnancy as cure for female emotions� treatment she�s pushing. I mean, for real. Where the hell did she get her license, a Mexican prison?
I�m a little bit disappointed, though, because my whole point in going to this was...well, first, to be totally catty and vindictive and laugh at all the pretty contestants whenever they screwed up or were exposed in such a way that seemed detrimental to their social well-being, and second, to schmooze my way into a new job. Of course I managed the first part of my goal�like I need any kind of special occasion to be mean about people I don�t exactly know�but the second part came less easy. I always feel dishonest and a little sleazy when I�m introducing myself to people, like, �It�s nice to meet you, too, are you hiring?� On the plus side, I worked my ass off for that job and received several strong and unsolicited compliments on my performance. Now if only those people are hiring...
I suppose now�s as good a time as any to make my big confession. I don�t know how y�all are going to feel about me after I tell you this, but I have to get it off my chest. Also in attendance at that party? Was...Fabio. I know, I know, you�re probably going to declare it�s over and stomp off into the sunset and never speak to me again, but you can�t judge me like that! You don�t understand! He was involved with the show! I honestly think it was one of the weirdest moments of my life to look up and realize that I was having a drink with Fabio. I mean, I remember way back when he couldn�t believe it wasn�t butter, and when he got hit in the face with a goose! I wanted to throw a chicken finger at his nose just for old time�s sake, but I didn�t think he�d appreciate it in the spirit with which it would have been intended, so I didn�t.
Now that it�s over, I must turn my attention to the Next Big Thing. Which is, of course, signing the lease for the new apartment. Cross your fingers, kiddies, because this is where we got screwed the last time.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: "smoking crank" & fucking I�m Watching: Mulholland Drive. I love that movie, because every time I watch it I catch some nuance I missed. I�m Reading: Visions of Sugar Plums, by Janet Evanovich, because it�s the only book I haven�t packed yet.