My work at Competition-Based Reality Show came to its inevitable conclusion this past Wednesday. I can�t say it really came as a huge surprise, for despite the fact that they�d been giving us out dates and then pushing them back for about three weeks prior, I had a feeling Wednesday would be the day. And since it was, I found myself all of a sudden with a full weekend at my disposal, for the first time in months. So what did I do with myself, you ask? I did what I expect any of you would do in the same situation: I got drunk.
It wasn�t my intention to go Lost Weekending or whatever, but it just so happened that each night there was some sort of social event planned that centered on the intake of alcohol. Like, on Friday, there was a keg party. I won�t go into all the messy details, but suffice it to say I a) drank vodka from a block of ice, b) got into a food fight with goldfish crackers, and c) accidentally cock-blocked Domino, for which I feel really bad. While I don�t know if those three events are entirely representative of me as a person, they definitely characterize the party. Also, you should know that someone tracked dog shit into the place, which was extremely unpleasant, and began to stink up the entire apartment. Seriously, it smelled like somebody had wiped their ass with the upstairs carpet.
The next day, there was a barbecue in the afternoon, which Domino and I attended at some gorgeous house in the hills. This particular party was jam-packed with people neither of us knew, and we spent a good amount of time communing with the food. Then Domino made me a margarita that was so strong I could have used it to clean the rust off a shipwrecked submarine from WWII. I mean, of course I appreciate that she would go to the trouble, but...after a few sips, I totally knew how those worms feel, pickling at the bottom of tequila bottle.
So, two or three margaritas later (just kidding�I only had the one)(actually, I only had half of the one, because...seriously, there�s a lot of tequila, and then there�s a lot of tequila), my friend Kato and I developed a comedy routine wherein I play the cultured homosexual (I know, I�m playing a homosexual�are you shocked?), and he plays the ignorant redneck, and it was really hilarious! I mean, depending on who you ask. We were tickled, anyway. Don�t listen to Domino, or, you know, anybody else who�s seen it, because they just don�t know high art, and/or are jealous.
Following this, Domino and I failed in an attempt to join some other friends at a bar. And here�s the thing about waiting in line behind a bunch of conspicuously overdressed, barely legal, here-just-to-be-seen snobs: I don�t. So instead, we got our other friend Octopussy, and the three of us together failed in an attempt to check out a brand new bar. And here�s the thing about going to a bar with one bartender who seems to have either a learning disability or a serious quaalude problem, and who essentially ignores you even though you�ve been the only ones standing at the bar for a good fifteen minutes: it doesn�t work for me.
So, we skipped out on that shit and went bar-hopping instead! This turned out to be a rousing success, and Octopussy proved herself worthy of her reputation when, after one particularly weak drink at one particularly disappointing joint, she flagged down the bartender and asked if she could get a refill. �You...want another one?� The confused barkeep asked. �No,� Octopussy explained, �I want a do-over. This one didn�t take.� The gambit did not work, unfortunately, but we congratulated her on her moxie for the rest of the night.
The next day was, of course, Super Bowl Sunday, and parties were de rigeur. I went to one with my old crew from Relationship-Based Reality Show, where I found out that RBRS will not be having another season, so...I am officially unemployed. However, they all seem to like me, and made several pronouncements to the effect that they don�t expect I�ll be unemployed for too long, which was encouraging. I also went out that night with some friends, and had a rather odd experience whereby someone sobbed wretchedly just outside the bathroom of a restaurant while I was inside doing my business, and when I emerged, this tragic soul grabbed me and begged me for a �bump�. I am so na�ve that it took me nearly thirty seconds to realize he was talking about drugs.
Of course, earlier that afternoon I had been waiting for a light to change for a good thirty seconds before coming to the realization that it was actually a stop sign, so what does that tell you about me and the uptake? Sigh. Anyway, I intend to take the next week or so to detox. And...look for a job.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �allison gentry� I�m Watching: Sideways. I�m not sure how I feel about it yet. It was a good and well-executed movie, but I generally have problems with films that ask you to like their main protagonists in spite of their overwhelming and inherently unlikeable characteristics (like oppressive pessimism, or chronic philandering, just for example). And: Family Guy. I�ve had �Vagina Junction, What�s Your Function?� stuck in my head for the last four straight days.