Day Five of Unemployment, and so far it�s awesome. I mean, I know I shouldn�t really say that�and I am looking for a job, honest�but being without any professional obligations or responsibilities totally agrees with me. Of course, it�s easy to say that now, when my absence from the work force has basically amounted to the equivalent of a week�s vacation. In another week, when the cold reality of my monetary influx having ceased sets in like a bad case of whatever those guys had in 28 Days Later, I�ll be stricken with a paralyzing fear for my future. But right now? Awesome.
I�ve had a lot of nervous energy the last two days, so I�ve already vacuumed my room, washed my sheets, scrubbed the bathroom, and baked a white chocolate banana bread pudding, which, let me just say that when I peel back the cellophane? Angels sing. It�s like the Excalibur of desserts, I�m not even kidding. With the power of this white chocolate banana bread pudding, I could bring nations to their knees. And while they were down there, I�d ask politely for them to scrub the kitchen floor, because I haven�t gotten around to doing that yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Other things I did included buying a birthday present for Pussy Galore�s daughter and sending it out through the mail�and waiting in line at the post office still has all the same old charms, I can tell you. Like, cram it, lady, and get the hell in the back of the line where you belong. You�re not going to jump ahead of all twenty-five of us because you �just have to buy stamps� or �just have to buy an envelope� or some such damn thing. And we�re not going to feel sorry for you when you storm out in a huff because the guy behind the window tells you to get bent, either. Probably we�re going to trip you. Although you can�t prove that I didn�t just accidentally have my foot out there like I said I did. Nyah.
Yet another thing I did was finally start downloading music onto my hard drive! I managed to get four different songs before, in a stroke of genius that I wish was far more uncommon for me, I somehow managed to completely cripple the software for said activity. I have no idea what happened. I�d been playing with the thing for a solid week, and then yesterday, out of the blue, I start it up and says it�s installing some kind of something or other. And of course, I haven�t asked it to install anything, and I�m worried it�s spontaneously buying itself some kind of upgrade or whatever, since my credit card number is on file for the whole �downloading music� thing, so I cancel the installation, and then whenever I try to initialize the software, it tells me that it�s missing some key component, and I need to reinstall the whole thing all over again. You LIE, machine! WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
Another thing I�ve been doing to entertain myself is calling Domino repeatedly and leaving the two-second clip from that Family Guy episode where they spoof School House Rock by having those ladies and that conductor sing �Vagina Junction, What�s Your Function?� in the sex ed. class on her voice mail. I mean, I leave the clip on her voice mail. Not that the sex ed. class was on her voice mail. Wouldn�t that be awkward.
I�m a little irritated, though, because my VCR is acting a little ornery. And yes, I said �VCR�! We can�t all have TiVo, people. Anyway, since I am single-handedly keeping all VCR makers and sellers in the world in business (I figure it�s just me and some old lady in rural Missouri, but she probably only uses her machine to tape the Home Shopping Network while she�s at church, so there�s almost no wear on it at all, and thusly, she hardly counts), you would think I would be given the absolute top of the line merchandise, here. Of course, I bought the VCR at the same time that I got my old computer, which by the modifier �old� you can see that I have since junked it, so where exactly is the surprise in the fact that everything I record now plays back looking like it was filmed through a prism during an eclipse? Anyway, I need a new one.
So in any case, I�ve gotten many a duck in the row over the last five weekdays of me being unemployed, but there are still more to go, and I�m going to need money sooner or later. However, I�m going out of town next week. I�ll try to update before I go, but just in case I don�t? I hope y�all are keeping yourselves busy too. Remember: idle hands are the devil�s playground. And a really crappy movie.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: leather catsuit I�m Watching: I Confess. Montgomery Clift was very pretty, but that movie didn�t make a whole lot of sense to me in many ways. And: Lost and Alias. Or, I will be, just as soon as I�m done updating.