I think I�ve just about had it with Dolly. I mean, seriously. I know we�ve sort of been at odds for a while, as chronicled in a few of my earlier adventures (like, say, this one), but now? Move over, James Bond, and hit the road, Spastica, because Dolly is my true arch-nemesis.
See, Miranda is in Australia for the next few weeks, which means that it�s pretty much just me, Dolly, and Joanie, although Joanie prefers to be kept completely out of the loop, as she has more important things to do. So it�s effectively just me and Dolly. This is not good news. Like, at all. Because Dolly is an obnoxious, double-dealing, passive-aggressive yatch.
You know, here�s how the system is supposed to work: an irrational customer calls in, I field it, and throw it over to one of the salespeople. If there�s no one available, I can either direct it to one of our other offices, or I can take their information down on this inquiry form, and then drop it into the inbox and wait for someone to get around to it. When Miranda is around, she always takes cold calls. Always! It�s so nice, because it�s what Kent wants them all to do anyway, and it makes my job soooo much easier.
Dolly won�t take shit. Maybe she�s on the phone with her mom (�Shut up, mom! You don�t even know what you�re talking about! I can�t believe you�d say something like that when you know how much I loved Frank! Wait, I mean Fred. No, I don�t, it was Frank.�), maybe she�s gabbing with Joanie (�So then I said, �I can�t believe you�d say something like that when you know how much I loved Fritz!� I mean, can you believe it?�), or maybe she�s just sitting on her ass and checking her email (�Dear Kathy -- Can you believe my mom???�), but she always has some excuse for why she can�t ever take her phone calls. Example: just now, when Nutso Nancy called to cancel an event she was setting up with Miranda. This is a call that would take Dolly all of thirty seconds to deal with, and yet she got all up in my business about it! �I can�t take that call right now! I�m preparing for a meeting!� Her meeting is at 3:00, people. 3:00! What the fuck does she have to do to prepare for this meeting, anyway? Sew a briefcase?
Anyway, there�s this huge to-do all the time over here, because I certainly don�t want to waste five minutes of my valuable internet-surfing time on the phone with some chick from Cerritos who can�t remember her own mailing address, when Dolly is just sitting back there jawing into the phone about her plans for the weekend. And it gets very difficult to come up with excuses for why there�s no one who can talk to our clients, like, ever. �Um, well, Dolly�s preparing for a 3:00 meeting, and she still has to sew together a briefcase, so maybe you could leave a message?� And Kent also has this hang-up about not wanting the clients to ever have to leave messages. He says that if no one is available here, I should direct them to our office in Orange County, just to make sure they speak with someone immediately. So I do, and then Kent freaks out about our office losing revenue to Orange County, and then Dolly freaks out at me about not giving her more inquiries! I mean, what the fuck is that???
She�ll read me the riot act about how just because she�s on the phone doesn�t mean she can�t take an inquiry, so whenever one comes through, I�m supposed to flag her down and see if she can get off the call. So I do, and then she freaks out and goes, �I�m on a call! I can�t do everything! Don�t you understand?� No! I don�t understand! Because you are CRAZY!
Also, I feel now is the right time to tell you guys that her name isn�t even really Dolly. I changed some of these names in order to protect the innocent. Chiefly me, because if she found out how much shit I talk about her, she�d probably cut my eyes out and sink me to the bottom of the harbor. Plus which, she�s so fucking nosy that I have to make sure she can�t tell I�m referring her when she comes out to my desk, stands over my shoulder, and reads my email.
This is completely unrelated, but I feel it�s important to be asked right now. What in the hell is Carmen Rasmusen still doing on American Idol? I mean, I realize that Julia DeMato�s time was pretty much up -- and I think she realized it, too, if her lifeless performances and complete non-surprise and lack of sadness over getting booted are any indication -- but Carmen should have been out like Rosie O�Donnell that first week. No, check that -- she shouldn�t have even made it to that first week! Sure she�s cute and perky and sweet, and seems a competent enough singer for someone who just turned eighteen, but she�s still off-key at least 50% of the time, her song choices are uninspired, and dude! She�s in way over her head! Yet somehow, she�s steadfastly avoided even being in the bottom three, every single week! What�s that about? Who�s out there voting for her? Is it you? Is it? Tell me!
I need to lie down.
