Wouldn�t I be totally funny with Botox? I don�t necessarily mean with it in my face, or whatever, but just in general. I mean, I could do impressions, or pull funny pranks on my friends, like wait till they were asleep and then immobilize their faces. They�d drool all over and wake up thinking that there was something horribly wrong with them, and that they�d suffered some kind of debilitating nerve damage overnight, and then, after they completely lost their minds, I�d whip out the Botox needles and show them, and then I�d laugh and laugh, and they�d drool. That could be comedy gold. Unless somebody did that to me, in which case I�d jab the Botox needles right into their fucking heart.
And I guess it wouldn�t have to be restricted to Botox, either. I could be really funny with prescription pain medication, or mood stabilizers, or, like, PCP. Can you imagine? A couple drops (or whatever -- what the fuck do I know about PCP?) in Sophie�s coffee, and I wouldn�t even mind going to work every morning! Except for how sometimes PCP makes you go crazy and eat people. I mean, that might be kind of funny, like if she ate with some kind of silly little bib or something (hee!), but otherwise, it would be pretty grody. Plus, she might eat me. I don�t think I�d enjoy that very much.
But don�t you guys think that staff meetings could be really funny if you just all gave your bosses some �shrooms, or something? Especially if your boss isn�t the Big Boss, but they have a phone meeting with the Big Boss that day. I mean, of course it would work best if you were in on the meeting, so you could watch your boss freak out about flying snakes and shit while the Big Boss was on the phone wondering just what the hell is up with your office, anyway.
We should that! Well, okay, maybe not, since it�s all illegal and stuff, but what if we all go to work one day wearing the same outfit, and pretend like we�re not? Or, better yet, we all put blue face paint on, or�ooh! We could all cut our own hair with safety scissors and then put on really excessive Pretty Pretty Princess make-up, and act like we don�t realize there�s something wrong with us, and make some casual offhand remark about how our neighbor�s five-year-old twin daughters were over at our houses, and we fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes that morning before we left for work! Or, even better than that, we don�t even make up an excuse -- we all just show up for work like that and cop attitude when people look at us funny. It would be best if some of us worked at the same office, though, so people would really think they were tripping, and we could act like each other looked totally normal.
I like that one the best. I used to baby-sit for this little girl who used to do that fucked up thing that little girls do where they cut their Barbie�s hair because they seem to think it�s going to grow back or whatever, but of course it doesn�t, and then Barbie looks like Susan Powter forever. Of course, that little girl also used to draw all over her Barbies with crayons, so they looked more like Goldie Hawn from her Laugh-In days. I�d always pick them up and be all, �Sock it to me!� and then I�d laugh, and the little girl would just stare at me. I wasted a lot of good material on her, I think.
There�s only so much Barbie a guy can take, though, really. Even gay boys. After her third or fourth date, the magic has worn thin. That�s when I always had Barbie get kidnapped, and she�d be on her way to some deserted island where a rich and insane millionaire was going to hunt her for sport, and she and Skipper and Friend Midge would somehow manage to escape with their infant, orphan siblings, and they�d fight zombies and werewolves, but they�d still manage to be fashion-forward and glamorous, and because that little girl was still there, they�d also go on dates with boys from the neighboring community of castaways. Whatever, little girl. That�s so unrealistic.
I hate it when people can�t stay focused.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �dolly is evil� And: freddy died of fire jason died of water [Yes, but how can we use that?] I�m Watching: I Love Lucy. Oh, shut up. It�s the TV equivalent of comfort food. I�m Eating: Ghirardelli chocolate, some more. Mmm�