You know those Bugs Bunny cartoons where he wakes up, pokes his head out of his burrow (or warren, whatever), hears something unsettling, and turns around to see a train barreling at his head at 150mph? That�s what today was like. Let�s not get into it, except to say that Sophie is lobbying to regain her title as the Largest Source Of Trouble in my life, which, what with my car situation and all, is not an easy pennant to win these days.
But, as I said, I�d like to leave it at that. Let�s instead talk some more about something a bit more important, which is to say, television. Just last night, for the very first time ever, I caught a glimpse of that colossal freakshow called Average Joe (Hawaii). First of all�actually, there�s way too much crazy shit to have a "first" of all. I mean, as soon as I think I�ve pinpointed the most calamitous, obnoxious, or outrageous aspect of that program, I remember something else that had me clutching my side and/or ripping out my hair, and I have to start over again.
To wit: what the hell is up with these shows lately, where the sequel starts practically before the original show is even finished airing? Like, I just saw an ad last night for The Apprentice 2, and granted that show is apparently doing very well in the ratings, but seriously! That�s like having someone trying to force dinner down your throat when you�re only halfway through lunch. Wait till we�re hungry again, at least!
On another level, Average Joe just plain old sucks. I mean, the premise is insulting ("There�s nothing special about these guys! Now, let�s see if the hot chick is really just as superficial and selfish as we expect her type to be."), and the entertainment is derived from little more than a sense of schadenfreude as you watch people combust, disappoint, or live up to your lowest expectations. Sadly, the girls have seemed to be just as superficial as one would expect, carefully choosing the "hunk" they feel most compatible with (ie, the one who�s the prettiest and has the best line), and then dismissing the others, careful to keep at least one "average" guy around so that she can make a big show in the last ceremony of trying reely, reely hard to choose between them, because, gosh, in her mind, they�re both pretty much equal, before she goes for the hunk, claiming she "just has more in common" with the hot guy -- on a platonic level, neatch -- than she did with the guy who, you know, doesn�t go to the gym eight times a week.
Whatever. What this brings me to is the two minutes of the program that I caught last night, in which our girl (named Ledusa or Latrine or something) was on a date with one of the hunks. Between clips of what was perhaps the most awkward, "romantic" interlude I�ve ever borne witness to outside of a sixth grade dance, Latrine gave a confessional wherein she attempted desperately to convince herself and the world that there was really something substantial between herself and this dude (whose name was probably Biff or Bolt or something -- I don�t remember). And he would gaze blankly into her eyes, and then they would force a few painful lines of dialogue about something inane and trivial, and then they would run out of things to say and gaze blankly at each other some more before finally discovering what they really have in common (ie, sexual attraction) through lots and lots of physical contact.
So it�s boring and disappointing, and only fun to watch if you like to see people indulge in their baser and more shallow concerns, before stripping to the waist and petting each other. Or, in the case of the "average" guys, getting their hearts broken by the hot girl one more time.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: AVRIL LIVIGNE FEET And: my big fat loser boyfriend I�m Watching: Well, the obvious, first of all. And: Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. Hee!