� Memoirs of an Evil Genius �
Conquering the World, One Martini at a Time

� Alone Again, Naturally �
10:15 a.m., 2004-04-07

Yoanna�s Picture: HI, DR. NO!!!

Me: Oh, hi, Yoanna.

Yoanna�s Picture: HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Me: I�m tired.

Yoanna�s Picture: I LOVE BEING AMERICA�S NEXT TOP MODEL!

Me: I know.

Yoanna�s Picture: WHERE�S THAT NEW GIRL?

Me: Actually, it turns out she kinda sorta got fired.

Yoanna�s Picture: "KINDA SORTA"?

Me: "Let go" was the term Sophie used.

Yoanna�s Picture: OH. BITCH GOT SHITCANNED.

Me: Basically.

Yoanna�s Picture: THAT�S FINE. SHE WAS ONLY GETTING IN THE WAY.

Me: I guess so, but what am I going to do now?

Yoanna�s Picture: KILL KILL KILL

Me: I mean besides that.

Yoanna�s Picture: YOU DON�T NEED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. YOU NEVER NEED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. YOU�RE ONE OF US, NOW. ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

Me: Will you cut that out? I�ve got a lot of work to do, now that I�m the only one up here. Again.

Yoanna�s Picture: WHAT THE HELL AM I? CHOPPED LIVER?

Me: You know what I mean.

Yoanna�s Picture: HARRUMPH.

Me: I�m worried that all of this work I have to do now is starting to make me a little crazy!

Yoanna�s Picture: WE�RE ALL A LITTLE CRAZY UP HERE�ONE OF US! ONE OF�

Me: Stop it, I�m serious!

Yoanna�s Picture: OH, QUIT WHINING, YOU BIG BABY! IT�S NOT LIKE THAT NEW GIRL WAS GOING TO TAKE OVER ANY OF THE EXTRA WORK YOU�VE GOT, ANYWAY -- SOPHIE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.

Me: Yes, but at least there would be somebody around to help split the new tasks. Not to mention all the menial labor. Did I tell you that Sophie just made it my responsibility to refill the paper trays for the fax and copier?

Yoanna�s Picture: WAH WAH WAH.

Me: You know, I�d appreciate a little support.

Yoanna�s Picture: OH, YOU WANT SUPPORT? TWO MINUTES AGO I DIDN�T EVEN COUNT AS ANOTHER PERSON, AND NOW YOU WANT SUPPORT. FIGURES.

Me: You know, the other picture in my office doesn�t sass me like you do.

Yoanna�s Picture: THE OTHER PICTURE IS AN OTTER. OTTERS CAN�T TALK. DUH.

Me: Well, anyway, the paper tray thing isn�t about it being difficult work, it�s about the principle involved!

Yoanna�s Picture: AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, IS THE PRINCIPLE INVOLVED?

Me: That if I don�t get some help up here, I really might lose my mind.

Yoanna�s Picture: OH, YOU WILL NOT.

Me: I will too!

Yoanna�s Picture: WILL NOT!

Me: Will too! Will too, will too, will too!

Yoanna�s Picture: JEEZ, MAYBE YOU ARE CRAZY.

Me: See? See what I mea�

Yoanna�s Picture: DON�T TALK TO ME, CRAZY.

Me: [Sigh]

Yoanna�s Picture: �I LOVE BEING AMERICA�S NEXT TOP MODEL!

Me: Oh, shut up.

Someone Got Here By Searching For: "I got drunk for the first time" And: ticket expired tags registration I�m Watching: Romy and Michele�s High School Reunion -- Tucson, here we come! And: 24. Considering that she died, like, immediately, was there really any point to that whole "go ask the hooker" subplot?

A Year Ago, I Said:

I opted for MTV this time, because, well, why not? I mean, I realize that the closest they get to playing music videos anymore is when they have a Nike commercial on at the station breaks, but even most of their original programming, with a few notable exceptions, is still a captivating look at the gradual self-destruction of the human species.
My Old Addiction
4-7-2003

� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.



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