So there isn�t that much to talk about today, I guess. Last night, May Day and I met some friends for food and drink out in Beverly Hills, and it was a lot of fun, although we�ve come to the conclusion that we�re totally, totally old now. I mean, I still get carded, which is nice (although my mom occasionally gets carded, too, so what does that tell you?), but we don�t look like teenagers anymore. Plus which, we start getting tired before midnight now, and that�s really sobering.

I can remember back in the days of yore when I would pull all-nighters in high school. I never did it in college, because it really does a number on your system and I was one of those kids who was like, �Shit, this higher education thing is expensive! I�m not going to waste it!� Okay, that�s a lie. It was more like, �I totally don�t feel like staying up all night doing nothing but fucking homework, so I�ll just do it now and get it over with.�

Anyway, I can recall one specific instance my junior year in high school where I stayed up all night doing a bunch of assignments for Motherfucking Geometry that were due the next day, and finally, at about 5:00 in the morning, I just couldn�t go on. So I packed it all up (think I got about 60% of the work actually completed) and decided to read my book instead. I was in the middle of The Anastasia Syndrome by Mary Higgins Clark, and I grabbed a cup of coffee, plunked myself down on the floor, and finished it off.

Now here�s the thing: the ending of that story sucked so hard that it hurt me physically. I mean, the power of the sucking from that story actually caused light beams to refract around the book. You have to understand that I was sleep-deprived, caffeine-buzzed, low-blood-sugary, and drunk with math at the time, so I really wasn�t capable of handling how badly this story ended. I literally burst into tears because of how much I hated the ending of the story, and in a fit of pique, I decided I was going to make up my own ending.

So I threw myself down on the bed and closed my eyes and pictured this beautiful, perfect ending that tied up all the loose ends and made everyone live happily ever after�and then the next thing you know, my mom is waking me up and screaming at me because I�m going to be late for school. And you know how if you stay up all night you�re actually better off than if you get a little bit of sleep? Yeah, I was fucked. I was completely strung out for the rest of the day, guzzling back Coke and coffee at every turn, and barely managing to keep my eyes open in every one of my classes.

Hmm�I just got off the phone with UPS. Remember when I told you about The Evil Lion Distributing, Inc, and how they sent us a bunch of light bulbs we didn�t order? (Like, what the fuck is that?) Well, they never called back like they said they would, so I decided to go over their heads. Or, behind their backs, as it were. If those shit-smokers won�t take responsibility for what they did, I�m just going to fight dirty.

Well, maybe not dirty. Basically, they won�t give us the info we need to have it removed, so I called UPS and asked if they could send it back, free of charge. The lady said yes, which means I�m a total bad-ass. Well, okay, maybe not, but it makes me feel better to think so.

Damn you image! Show yourself, coward!

my last adventure: What the Hell Is Wrong With You People?
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my next adventure: Mom? Dad? I'm G...oing to the Bathroom.