Okay, first things first: I got my car back. Woo hoo! As it turns out, there was nothing wrong with it other than a stuck valve, which they subsequently replaced. Of course, on the invoice, it stated that they also washed the car as a �gesture of goodwill�, and I�m telling you right now that car was dirtier when I got it back than when it went in. So I choose to take what they say with a grain of salt. Or maybe a bag of salt.
Moving on to other business, what the fuck is everyone�s problem today? I swear I got honked at four times on the road on my way to work, and not for any good reason, either! Well, okay, one guy had a good reason to honk at me. Sort of. But the rest of these shitclowns need to take a purge! First I get honked at by some maniac as I�m pulling out of my building because he deemed it necessary to tear through my neighborhood at mach 5. Gee, sorry about being here, Speed Racer. Hope I�m not breathing any of your very own personal oxygen, either.
Then I got stuck behind a bunch of slow-ass drivers, and as I was trying to circumnavigate a Jetta going so slowly he could�ve gotten a fucking parking ticket -- I�m serious, y�all, pedestrians were passing this guy -- this school bus going 147,000 miles per hour in the next lane honked at me. At least I think he was honking. The sound was somewhat disguised by the sonic boom he caused as he tore a hole in the sound barrier. Then, of course, he didn�t end up passing me after all, because we all hit a red light and he had to stop. I didn�t actually see all the poor little school children go flying out of the windows when the nutbag driver stomped on the brake, but I was busy making conversation with an old lady riding along next to me in a personal mobility vehicle.
Then I hit this intersection where I had to take a right turn, and as I�m trying to do so, some jackass totally honked at me! Like, three times in rapid succession, which I think is actually on record as The Most Annoying Thing You Can Do On The Road Ever. Like, what is this, Bullitt? How fast do I have to take this turn, anyway? I�m sorry, but I�m not going to two-wheel it around this corner in order to make you happy, Rocket Man! And what�s with the three beeps on the horn? That�s just being an ass for the sake of being an ass.
And then there�s all these people calling today. Everyone needs to get laid, or something, because these assholes are all so damn cranky. Particularly this one dude who gets all impatient when I inform him that Miranda has a life beyond his stupid-ass needs. And now they�ve made me cranky, those shitheads!
Now, I didn�t call Serial like I was going to (again), but I have a valid excuse. May Day and I went to this nightclub in Studio City with some friends last night and had a really good time, but we were gone for a long time. I suppose if I was a bigger, more evolved person I�d have let the whole thing go by now. Or at least, you know, gotten the message (because I�m not an idiot, you guys). But I�m not more evolved. I�m petty and vindictive and I want my motherfucking book back.
See? I knew I was good at something.
