Ours is a mad love. Frantic, passionate groping in a Old Navy changing room, spontaneous face-sucking behind a wine rack in the grocery store, and fevered caresses in plain view for all to see at the bookstore. But we fight as often as we love; we�re frequently on the outs, and sometimes go for months without even speaking to each other. It always ends the same way, though. We can�t exist for long without each other, and we�re drawn to the inevitable clash like moths circling a particularly familiar flame. I�m speaking, of course, of my relationship with the mighty dollar.
My sister always had a rock-solid relationship with money. She was always finding errant quarters left in the change dish of the vending machine or a payphone, dimes and nickels hiding in the sofa cushions, and crumpled dollar bills lying on the sidewalk. Once, we got on the school bus and she found a crisp, new five spot on the floor under her seat. Me? I found an old, manky toothbrush. And a comb. Money hates me, and I�m soooo good to it!
Okay, so I�m lying. I suck with money. I have no self-control! I�ll be all, �I�m going to be good and save the money, because the bills just rolled in on top of me like a steam shovel and I�m going to need to hold on to every penny!� Three seconds later and I�m all, �Four dollars for a Citrus Squeeze isn�t so bad. It�s really pretty reasonable. In fact, four dollars doesn�t even count! And neither will the dollar I spend on a candy bar at Ye Olde King�s Head Shoppe in ten minutes. Or, really, the five dollars I spent on that huge cheeseburger at that little short-order place down the way from the office yesterday. I earned that cheeseburger, quite frankly. And I think I earned that dinner out last week, too. And probably the one the weekend before that. And then there was the picnic that May Day and I had, which cost a little bit, but picnics are a good cause, right? And so is this new CD -- I think Belle and Sebastian are trying to help fight famine in Africa, so every dollar spent is worth it. I also think the people that made these really tasty caramels are probably fighting for a good cause, too, and I would be remiss not to support that as well. And while I�m here��
Well, you get the point. When I was seven, my parents would give me my allowance, and the first thing I would do is run like hell for the toy store so I could pick up a He-Man� figure to add to my ever-growing collection. My sister? Saved hers. This trend has continued well into adulthood, as evinced by my prodigious menagerie of DVDs, and my sister�s, you know, house. It�s all about financial acumen. Unfortunately, the day they were passing out financial acumen, I was down at the toy store buying Dragon Blaster Skeletor�.
Right now, I�m skating on the rim of monetary self-destruct. My pay is laughable at best, and I�m still feeling the slow, painful squeeze of Christmas/birthday debt. And while we�re on the subject, why the hell couldn�t my mother have some babies in the summer or something? Four of us were born in the winter, with the other two falling just outside of the Christmas season on either side. This was bad planning. Plus, dating isn�t cheap either, you know? Serial and I were just reaching the point where a date didn�t have to involve going out, but�well, you know how that story ended.
So I�ve gone from date to debt in just a few simple steps. And yet, just last night I was considering another tattoo, and trying to rationalize it without much success. Tattoos aren�t cheap, after all. May Day nearly went into cardiac arrest when she heard how much I�d spent on the one on my arm, which I got back when I had a steady, well-paying job in Chicago.
The truth is just that I want certain things, and I hate having to qualify all my wishes with, �Someday, when I have enough money�� especially since those days just don�t seem to be coming. Like, ever. Someday, when I have enough money, I�d like to go back to Europe. Someday, when I have enough money, I�d like to eat dinner at Spago. Someday, when I have enough money, I�d like to go back home to visit my family.
Right now? I�d just like enough money to pay my Visa bill.