I decided, when I dragged my stubborn self unwillingly from bed a half-hour earlier than usual this morning, that I would start the day off right. One might as well pamper oneself on occasion, right? So I did all those morning rituals that just make you feel a little more special: I put on some pants, stared off into space for a while, thought about taking a shower, thought about eating something, put on a shirt, splashed some water in my face, walked out the door, remembered my jacket, came back and got it, left again, remembered my bag, came back for that, changed my pants, and then drove to the DMV.
Yes, the DMV. Those bastards. They�re always there. Waiting for me. Like Ike Turner. When I fled from that place the last time I had really hoped it would be our final encounter, but I think I always knew in my heart of hearts that that was an aspiration too lofty to be realistic. Sooner or later, everyone ends up at the DMV.
Well, this morning turned out to be sooner, rather than later, and I arrived at a crisp 8:00am. I suppose I should mention that the reason I had to go there is because I sort of got a ticket last weekend, but it wasn�t my fault! I mean, it was sort of my fault, obviously, but not really when you think about it. See, right after my car got tenderized by an SUV, I finally received my registration renewal sticker in the mail. Well, I didn�t have a license plate to put it on, so I just held onto it. Then my car went into the shop, blah blah blah, a month and a half later I got it back, but I forgot to put the stickers on right away, and I got a ticket for driving around with expired tags. So, actually totally my fault, but there were extenuating circumstances that I believe make my slip-up understandable. Anyway, that�s my story, to which I am sticking.
So my goal for this morning was to get to the DMV, have my registration verified (thusly getting 60% of my fine deducted), and then get to work before, you know, noon. Getting out of bed being well nigh the hardest thing on my agenda on the best of days, this, too, was a lofty ambition. But somehow I managed to cajole myself into it, and I arrived at that dreaded bureaucratic hellmouth right on time, and skipped inside, already resigned to a lengthy -- if not interminable -- wait.
As it turned out, there was no wait. See, I went in through the back door, where you�re supposed to go if you�re there for verification purposes (not that anybody really cares, because they just assume you�re some asshole trying to jump ahead of the line and they all give you this look like you�re might as well be a Nazi and then immediately ignore you to teach you a lesson about cutting in line), and I not-so-subtly grabbed the attention of Edna. Edna being the hapless soul behind the nearest window to me, who made the mistake of making eye contact. Cold, heartless, unfeeling eye contact, but contact nevertheless.
Me: Hi, I�m here to have someone sign off on my ticket.Edna: We don�t do that.
Me: Actually, yes you do. I�ve had it done bef�
Edna: We don�t do that, do we, Ophelia?
Me: You do, I prom�
Ophelia: Yep.
Me: You see? Now, who do I�
Edna: I don�t think we do that.
Me: Okay, there�s a place on the back of the ticket, right here, where it says D�
Edna: We don�t do that. Ophelia, I don�t think we do that!
Ophelia: We do that, Edna.
Me: Edna, if you�d listen to me for just a moment, I had you guys sign off on a ticket for m�
Edna: We don�t sign off on tickets. Or is that something else?
Ophelia: Something else.
Me: Great. Now that that�s cleared up, wh�
Edna: What is it, then, because I don�t think we sign off on tickets.
Me: I swear by all things decent and true that you sign off�
Edna: I�m positive we don�t sign off on tickets.
Me: Edna, I�m going to staple this ticket to your face if you don�t shut up and listen for a minute.
In the end, I got my ticket signed off by some other dude, and even managed to get an espresso before work. Hopefully, this means a good day. Keep your fingers crossed.Someone Got Here By Searching For: killerworkout And: Rachael Ray is a whore I�m Watching: Angel and actually rather liking it. I�m Also Watching: Celebrity Mole and being glad I only have to deal with Corbin Bernsen through my TV.