I don�t mean to sound like an alarmist or anything, but between deadly tidal waves, killer mudslides, and constant torrential rains, is anybody else a little worried that it might just be the apocalypse? Again, I don�t want to freak anybody out or anything�I know I have a slight tendency to overreact now and again�but if you could just peek out the window once in a while to let me know whether you see some horsemen or a plague of locusts or what have you, I�d appreciate it.
I suppose now�s as good a time as any to throw in my little disclaimer that it is not my intention to use the tsunami or the mudslide as punchlines, or to make light of the very real devastation they�ve caused. My goal here is not to find humor in those tragedies, but to find it in spite of them, and so forth. Not to get all congratulatory about the importance of my �blog in the grand scheme of things. Anyway.
It�s not so much the unrelenting precipitation here in southern California that has me at my wit�s end, so much as the roads. Now I don�t think the weather here has gotten so freakish that it�s actually caused the asphalt in Los Angeles to break out in smallpox, but I swear I�ve driven over more potholes in the last week than in the entire time I�ve lived here. Last night, I hit one so wide and so deep I was afraid I�d driven into someone�s swimming pool.
Of course, my seat was malfunctioning, too, so the second I hit it, the mechanism snapped home with this scary popping noise, and I immediately shoved my hand down there to see what the hell had happened. After all, if the bottom of my car had just snapped off and landed in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard, I felt I should probably know. What I found with my hand, rather than a gaping hole, was a huge, disgusting, viscous blob that immediately glommed onto my fingers like it was trying to mate with my hand.
I tried to wipe the slime off, but somehow, I managed to find the blob�s other half, and only succeeded in making the problem worse. So I pull my hand out from under the seat, and it�s coated in this gooey substance that looked exactly like (nausea alert) earwax, and on top of that, thanks to all the rooting around I�d been doing, the earwax had hair and pebbles and leaves and shit all stuck in it, and I started screaming at the top of my lungs, and some lady who pulled up next to me at the light started staring at me, and I had to wait till I got to my friend�s house before I could do anything about it. Good thing it wasn�t a culture of, like, ebola, or something. Anyway, it turns out it was grease from the seat mechanism. Go figure.
Anyway, the rain seems to have somehow made the pothole situation worse, if that�s even possible. There�s this stretch of 3rd Street, in Hollywood? And it�s got so many craters, it looks like Paul Bunyan could�ve used it for a cribbage board. I finally understand, however, why so many people in Los Angeles drive those obnoxious SUVs. I mean, you practically need the Mars Rover just to get from Fairfax to LaBrea, now.
Tonight, on my way home from work, a big stretch of the highway was all blocked off because of a tree that toppled over and landed in the road. That�s not comforting. And the rains aren�t finished yet, either, if you can believe that. I�m trying to look on the bright side, personally. I mean, who knows? By the end of the week, this apartment could be beachfront property!
Of course, that is only if the end of the week isn�t also coincidentally the End of Days. Personally, I�m trying to look on the bright side of that one, too.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �one-eyed clown� I�m Watching: 24. No Kim? Good idea. Jack Goes Rogue Against His Superiors At CTU And The Government, And Only Has One Or Two Trusted Allies On The Inside Who Can Help Him? Sounds familiar. And: Desperate Housewives. You know, I enjoy the show, but I�m just not in love with it like everyone else. Does that make me a bad person? I do love Harriet Samson Harris, though.