So, I know you guys are probably getting sick of me constantly counting off the number of days I�ve spent at the new job (for those of you playing the home game, the number is four), but I�ve really got to report on the current state of living at Arts-Friendly Non-Profit.
See, here�s what: today was Friday. Friday the 13th, no less! Like it isn�t unlucky enough that people actually have to go to work, now they have to come up with a whole day devoted to things sucking and being the very thorn in your side! Like, shut up, people who devised the whole myth behind Friday the 13th! You guys blow. Unless, of course, you were also behind the Friday the 13th horror movie franchise, in which case you should come over so we can drink and have lots of dirty sex.
I mean, only if you�re into dirty sex. I�m not saying we have to have dirty sex, but I really think it would enhance the drinking process if there was dirty sex involved.
Anyway, as much as this dirty sex talk is really turning you on (and don�t think I didn�t notice that -- I mean, is that something big and inappropriate in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?), I think I�d like to get back to the point. And there is one. I mean, it�s in here somewhere, I just think I may have stacked a whole bunch of stuff on top of it. Did I mention how I�ve been partaking of too much caffeine at work?
The point, such as it is, is this: today was Susie�s last day. I�ve come to the conclusion that I rather like Susie, actually. I mean, it isn�t exactly as if we�re setting the world on fire with our sparkling conversation or whatever, but she�s actually a lot of fun. In the �stop checking your voice mail because here comes Sophie now and she�s going to chop your balls off and stick them in a jar of brine to teach you a lesson� kind of way. But even that kind of fun has its place! I guess.
Whatever. Today, she concluded her career at Arts-Friendly Non-Profit, and on Monday, as I begin life as a Non-Profiteer, Susie will be embarking on a fascinating journey that involves a whole lot of not being employed. Frankly, she doesn�t seem too perturbed about it. I, on the other hand, am about to shit cement.
Not literally. That would be gross. But honestly? I�ve been training for four days, and I really don�t know what the fuck I�m doing. I mean, really. You guys, this would funny�if it were someone else, and I was watching rather than actively participating. Come Monday, I will show up for work, Susie will not, and the papers and emails will roll in like the Nazis invading Poland. You guys, I�m going to be Krakow! I�m going to be summarily crushed beneath the wheels of progress (in the domain of non-profit fundraising, in any regard), and my balls will rest in a jar of brine on Sophie�s crazy, paperiffic desk! (Her desk isn�t made of paper -- just buried under stacks of it.)
I don�t think you understand. I think you guys are laughing, and not in the �oh shit, those are his balls in that jar of brine over there� way, but more in the �ha ha, isn�t this funny and slightly exaggerated?� kind of way. I DON�T KNOW WHAT I�M DOING! There is paperwork waiting for me right now! It wants me to process it, and I�m sorry, but I�m really going to have trouble performing! I don�t know jack-fucking-shit about this job, this company, or any of the clients, and as much as I�ve tried to relax and just go with the flow, I think the flow has decided to just go the hell on without me.
If anyone out there has a really good idea for how to perform under pressure in a situation with which you have precious little familiarity and absolutely no commanding experience, I would love an email the way J.Lo loves publicity.
Oh, and have I told you lately how hot you guys are? Let�s do it. Get naked.
Okay. I hope my legs look better than that, but...okay.
