I seem to hate a lot of things lately. I don�t really have a satisfactory explanation for my sudden irascibility, but the fact remains that I seem to have become a modern day, twenty-something Ebenezer Scrooge. An Ebenezer Scrooge with far less pennies to pinch (and far more personal style), but a Scrooge nonetheless. To wit:
I hate stupid people in the left turn lane who think that when the little green arrow turns into a little green circle, it means they should stop. This is not what that means. Just to clear up any confusion, the green circle never means �stop�. You may still go, just not with impunity. What you should really never do, at any cost, is hold up the flow of midday traffic by stopping at a green light. Also, don�t you give me dirty looks just because I�m leaning out of my open window and screaming profanities at you because you�re STOPPED AT A GREEN LIGHT.
I�ve addressed this before, but I hate stupid people at the supermarket who weave listlessly about, stutter-stepping this way and that with more stop/start action than a claymation special, cutting off other shoppers at every turn. Get some fucking side-view mirrors, if that�s what it takes, but don�t just zigzag around the grocery store like you own the damn place, and, for the love of decency, do not just take your half out of the middle! I understand that, from time to time, we all become obstructions at the grocery store. There are times when I, too, have to park my cart somewhere while I make up my mind about which product I want to purchase. But I park my cart unobtrusively. And I don�t go careering about the store like a game of bumper cars. And I also don�t drift down the center of the aisle like a glacier, taking up just enough room on either side that no one can pass me, like the old lady I was stuck behind for ten minutes this morning. I may not be perfect, but I at least know how to behave in a grocery store.
I hate myself for getting lost every time I try to drive to my new job (I have a new job�well, it�s the same as my last job, just for a different show). Admittedly, my new commute is a little bit trickier, but I�ve done it enough times now that there really is no excuse for the fact that I cannot, for the life of me, manage to do both legs of it correctly, even once. Tonight I somehow completely overshot my exit, while I was looking for it. I mean, it wasn�t even like I just wasn�t really paying attention, and suddenly, whoops, I drove too far�I was watching those big green signs like they were about to reveal the meaning of life to me, and still ended up missing my turn-off. This wouldn�t be such a great big deal, but I�m beginning to get really hostile about it, and said some really mean things to myself tonight. I wish I�d lighten up a bit.
I hate the fact that if I want to sing in my car, I have to put my little cell phone ear piece in so that it looks like I�m talking on the phone to someone, because people who pull up next to me at the light and rudely stare in through my window have the gall to look at me like I�m the one with the problem just because my lips are moving and there�s no one else in the car with me. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, OLD MAN!
I hate my computer, a lot, because it�s an archaic piece of shit and it freezes up on me like the fucking North Pole at least once every time I turn it on. This is not acceptable. Already, it has frozen up twice on me since I started writing this. In its defense, it has saved and remembered everything I�ve written each time, which is good, because otherwise I�d have finished typing this entry with an axe.
So anyway, I just wanted everyone to be aware of my latest pet peeves. It�s possible that I�m completely overreacting (I�ve been known to do so on occasion)(AND I HATE IT), but if you�re doing any of the things I�ve listed above? Please promise me you�ll stop. We�ll both be happier, I promise.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: Burger King�s target audience I�m Watching: The Simpsons and Arrested Development. A brilliant power hour of comedy. Too bad my friend called me in the middle and I missed half of both episodes. I hate that, too, by the way. I�m Wearing: All my same damn clothes, over and over again, because I took all my favorite stuff back home for Thanksgiving, where people can smoke in public buildings, so it�s all still in the laundry, which isn�t due to be washed until this coming weekend. Incidentally? Hate that, also.