So today I asked Sophie to confirm how much vacation time I had left (a boy has to plan for the Holidays, and it�s never too early), to which she responded with an email, cautioning me that time off is a request, which won�t necessarily be approved. Now, I fully understand that, as it is in fact pretty standard practice in every company across the nation, but I say if you have a job that doesn�t involve saving lives, and you can�t get a little time off to spend the Holidays with your family, there�s something really fucked up about that.
I�m not too worried about it, though. This job doesn�t pay me enough for me to skip out on my family, and I�ll quit and make a living selling paint chips to desperate crackheads in a back alley before I�ll miss my reunion because Sophie "needs someone in the office". What she "needs in the office" is to have her head examined if she thinks she can deny my request for a Christmas vacation. If the government can�t help but recognize my ineluctable fortitude, she doesn�t stand a chance.
I�m very excited about my newfound powers, actually. I mean, I intend to use them for the forces of good, of course. Or, good for me, at any rate. I already turned their bombastic fulsomeness on those simpering jackholes at my cell phone company, because they LIED to me, and got a most satisfactory result. Take that, nebulous and extraneous charge of unknown origin! That will teach you to clutter up my bill with your additional $15 worth of unclear benefits!
Seriously, my phone company LIES to me all the time. And these aren�t just lies, people, but LIES! Grave infractions against the Truth, vagaries and promises they�ve no intention of keeping, hidden charges and strange, tacked-on packages I never asked for! Nay, I tell you, I shan�t stand for it anymore! And I told that to "Rob" the other night, when he finally picked me out of the snake pit of eternal Hold, much to his dismay. I felt a little bad for him, because how could he possibly stand against the unstoppable velocity of my powers? But I felt worse for me, because, hello�extra charges on my phone bill!
I honestly have no idea where this weird Premium something something package came from. Nor do I understand why they�re now charging me for stuff I was promised was going to be free by that broad from New Yawk, who, incidentally, is the only reason I didn�t jump ship from this clusterfucking company in the first place. I�ll never be tricked again, y�all. But I told Rob I was very disappointed and blah, blah, blah, and he struck the charge from the record, and cancelled that obnoxious Premium thing I didn�t want, and I don�t have to pay for it now, so ha! I win again!
I�m going to savor this victory, however hollow, because if I know me (and after 26 years, I think I do pretty well) I�m going to step on the edge of my fallibility and it�s going to pop up and smack me in the face like a rake any day now.
Now, if you�ll excuse me, I�m going to compel a well-earned Hershey�s Kiss into my mouth.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: I have his balls in a jar I�m Watching: The Amazing Race, and I�m seriously wondering if Mirna might not be mentally unraveling before our very eyes. I�m Anticipating: The Olympics, which never cease to thrill (and not just cuz of the boys in the swimming competitions, although I�m not complaining about them either, growl!).