So, I�m just sitting here on this lovely, leisurely Tuesday evening, enjoying the cool breeze, the subsiding nausea in my stomach, and a gourd of tea. Yes, I said �gourd��my dear friend Argyle purchased for me an authentic drinking gourd from...some dude. Somewhere. Honestly, I don�t know all the details, only that it�s really kind of neat, and I had to cure it for 24 hours by brewing some tea in it that smelled like barn. When I go for tea, I generally opt for the flavored kind, personally. There�s just something...unappetizing about soaking leaves. Have you ever seen a gutter in the midwest? My point.

Yesterday was the Fourth of July, and I trust everyone had an enjoyable day of non-work and irresponsible behavior. I know I did. I seem to recall there was something about tequila and fireworks, and that�s about all I got, frankly. Actually that�s not entirely true�what I GOT was really, really trashed, and quite by accident. Okay, I guess it�s not really an �accident� if you deliberately swill down a bucket�s worth of margaritas, but my point is just that I�m not sure at what point I went from being happily tipsy to being irrevocably wasted. My point is also that I apparently had to be dragged out of the neighbor�s yard when I lay down there �just for a minute� while everyone else was watching the polytechnics. My plans for tonight involve sobriety, and possibly also buying a little gift for Domino, who tolerated my drunken antics and took care of me when I apparently turned into fucking Otis from The Andy Griffith Show.

This past Friday, I went and saw this weird-ass Australian movie about aliens and the living dead, and there was a scene where a toothless drifter punched out a zombie fish when it tried to eat his face, and I offer this up just to show that I don�t need alcohol to make questionable choices. I mean, the movie was entertaining, but I�m sorry I spent $10 on it. When did movies get to be so expensive, though? I mean, it used to be that $7.50 was exorbitant and seemed like chiseling, and now I�m scanning my old student ID into my computer and trying to Photoshop the shit out of it so I can get the �discount� price of same. The world�s gone mad, I tells ya!

My mom has also gone mad. That crazy lady called me on Saturday afternoon, when I was elbow deep in a pitcher of sangria (that did not result in me sleeping in the neighbor�s yard, I would like to publicize), to tell me that she was passing by my old �hood in Chicago. This is a little tradition she started a while back, and I believe I mentioned it before in this space on account of that one time that she called me and then called again two minutes later when she got totally lost in my old neighborhood. Well, this time she called and said hi, and then called back about ten minutes later...when she was totally lost somewhere in Indiana. And I had to get out my atlas and talk her all the way back to the interchange. Good thing I had that atlas, too, otherwise I guarantee our conversation would have gone something like this:

Me: So...where are you?
Bev: I don�t know! I�m on some highway!
Me: Do you...do you see any signs or anything?
Bev: No.
Me: ...how about now?

Oh, I also did something to my own cell phone last night, so every time I jostle it, the darn thing turns itself off. Stupid modern technology. On the plus side? As of about twenty minutes ago, I am no longer unemployed. Hooray for new jobs!

Someone Got Here By Searching For: aaron carter gay I�m Watching: Passions. I am so in love with that show now. So. In. Love. I�m Reading: I finally finished Trace, and am deciding upon my next literary adventure. Perhaps I will purchase myself the next Lisa Scottoline book, to celebrate my newfound employitude?

my last adventure: Pretty Demanding Woman
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my next adventure: A Sunny Deposition