It was the longest of weeks, it was the shortest of weeks. It was a week full of embarrassment: I mean, seven days ago? Oprah had not yet lived �one of the most humiliating moments of her life� yet! Can you believe it? My heart really goes out to her. I can only imagine the gut-wrenching embarrassment of...you know, not being allowed to shop after operating hours. Wow. The fact that she can still show her face in public after such a shaming as that is a true testament to her character. And I don�t say that lightly, either! Many a time, I too have been barred from shopping in closed stores, so I know the pain from whence she speaks.

Not to be mean about it, but when did Oprah lose her human soul? Seriously, if that had happened to any other person on this plan�...you know what? Let me rephrase this: that has happened�to MANY people�it�s never been news before, because when a store is closed? YOU CAN�T SHOP THERE. Don�t give us this �Heartfelt Everyman Out To Save The World One Cadillac At A Time� act and then turn around pull some kind of �Do you know who I am?� routine, because it�s horseshit and disgraceful besides. �Humiliating� my ass. Tom Cruise got squirted in the face with a joke microphone, but you don�t see HIM whining abou�...oh, wait. Bad example. She should've just come back the next day all gussied up, Julia Roberts-style, and been like, "Yesterday I was here and you wouldn't let me shop. Big mistake. Huge!"

It was also, however, a week full of triumph! I...wait, no, that�s not a triumph. Oh, okay: there was the time that I...no. Hmm...maybe the week wasn�t as triumphant as I thought. At least, not for me. That crazy chick who attacked Leonardo DiCaprio with a broken beer bottle left him needing twelve stitches in his neck, though! I guess that�s an accomplishment for her. But seriously, what�s Leo doing partying with Rick Salomon anyway? For that matter, what the hell is that man�s appeal? I haven�t seen the infamous Paris Hilton sex tape (although I did have a really scarring dream that I did, thanks so much for bringing it up), but I can�t understand that he would be able to do anything�in the bedroom or outside of it�to attract people. And yet. Oh well, I guess I�ll just be happy that the crazy lady didn�t cut Leo�s pretty face. At least, I hope she didn�t. I�m a little fuzzy on the details, here.

It was a week full of loss, though, that�s for sure. I am jobless again. They were going to try and keep me on through August, which would have been very nice for my bank account, but I had achieved my main objective and completed all the responsibilities I�d originally been hired on to perform, and so in the interests of budgetary concerns they...got rid of me. But my boss was apologetic about it, and said that he still expects they�ll need me so I�d maybe be hearing from him soon. Which is also great, but I can�t dwindle in unemployment forever waiting for the call, so the hunt is on for a new job. For now, I�m calling it a vacation. Albeit an unpaid one with no definite termination.

It was a week full of gain, though! With scads of free time to while away at work this week, I developed an obsession with planning out a trip to Europe. My next European vacation is never far away from my imagination (although my bank account has trouble spotting it without the aid of telescope)(and did I mention I am now unemployed?) and over the course of the week, my manic passion led me to decide upon Scandinavia as my next port of call on the other side of the pond. Ah, Scandinavia! Land of lakes, fish, the midnight sun, easily-assembled furniture, fjords, and languages that are very not similar to anything I�m able to speak. They evidently have other, lesser-known benefits too, as evidenced by a call I made to the phone company five years ago when I was trying to cancel my service in preparation to go to Europe for the first time:

Susan: Oh, you�re going to Europe? How exciting!
Me: Yeah! I�ve never been, but I�m really looking forward to it.
Susan: You should go to Norway, if you get a chance.
Me: I�d love to! But I don�t know if I�ll be able.
Susan: It�s so beautiful there, so pristine. And the people are so nice!
Me: It sounds great�
Susan: And the toilet paper is so soft!
Me: That sounds...personal.
Susan: Softest toilet paper I�ve ever felt. Like kisses. I stole about five rolls before I left!
Me: That�s...listen, I just want to cancel my phone service, okay?

Someone Got Here By Searching For: I�m still getting a lot of traffic for people with an interest in Lion Distributing, Inc. All I have to say is: good luck. I�m Watching: The Next Food Network Star. I totally always thought I could have my own food show, called �Dr. No Explains it All (While He�s Cooking It)� or �Help! My Dinner Tastes Like Crap!�, but now that I�ve seen what all goes into it? I give up on that dream. They can have it. I�m Reading: I am SO close to being done with Trace, you guys! And now that I don�t have any pesky JOB to take up my time, I�m gonna blow through that sucker like you wouldn�t believe!

my last adventure: Quake Me Up Before You Go-Go
�
my next adventure: TKO (Tequila Knock Out)