Well, that�s another week under my belt. All things considered, I�d say it wasn�t a total write-off, either! Today, for example, I somehow managed to tap into a heretofore unknown wellspring of resourcefulness that enabled me to kick a little more butt at work. That �what the fuck?� pile? Down to two items. I sifted through that pile like gangbusters today, and made some executive decisions. I love how, in the business world, you can say "executive decisions", when what you really mean is "possibly egregious errors in judgment".
Of course, I happen to know for a fact that hidden away in the recesses of the office are a bunch of as yet untended-to papers, requests, etc, but none of these were actually brought to my direct attention, and I�m more than happy to �forget� about them for the time being. I only know about some of them because of the time Susie accidentally grabbed the wrong folder while training me on something, looked at the contents, blanched, and muttered, �Oh, yeah, well�oops,� before promptly stuffing it back in the drawer without explaining to me what it was all about. If I were a little stupider, I�d go snooping. But I prefer plausible deniability if it comes to that.
Then again, I also live in constant fear that any day now, someone�s going to come storming up those stairs, shrieking and waving a stack of papers in my face, demanding to know just what the hell I thought I was doing. This I think of as an inevitability, but hopefully one that will be a while in coming. If I recall, I think I was working at Heartless Insurance, Ltd for about three weeks before the lynch mobs started thronging about my cubicle. So I�ll give it two more weeks before I have to start practicing how to bend over and take it like a man from a cardigan-clad woman with an �I (Heart) Grandma� mug.
However, I think, as I believe I mentioned before, my newfound (or, newly revived, I should say) dependency on coffee has reached altogether new and -- forgive the pun -- dizzying heights. I actually feel a little sick to my stomach, which could be due to any number of things, such as stress or the fact that I haven�t exactly been taking the best care of myself the last month or so, but I choose to attribute in part to the four-or-so cups of coffee I guzzle down every day.
Yeah, yeah�I know it�s not good for me, but coffee is just so freaking expensive nowadays that when I suddenly found I could get it for free, I kind of lost my head. It�s that instinct to glut oneself immediately, like maybe that coffee won�t be there forever, so I�d better choke as much down as possible now while it�s around! Dogs are like that. Have you ever noticed? You can leave a big bowl of food out for a cat, and he�ll be fine for days. You leave a big bowl of food out for a dog and he�ll scarf it all down in thirteen seconds, flat. After which he�ll promptly barf on your living room carpet.
But I already mentioned the upset stomach. Anyway, as much as I love coffee, I don�t think coffee loves me back. It�s almost sad. A tragic love story for our times. The Boy Who Loved Coffee, But It Didn�t Love Him Back: A Tragic Love Story For Our Times. About Coffee. And This Boy Who Loved It. Or Something. I could sell that, I think. You guys would buy it, right?
You know, when I feel all under the weather and shit, I really just want to eat a bowl of chicken noodle soup and crawl into bed. However, I don�t have any such soup on hand, and I�m not sure if I�m up for making a special trip all the way to the grocery store just to satisfy a craving. Bollocks.
Next time I swill down twenty cups of coffee in one week (approx.), I�ll be prepared.
This quiz is another rerun (I'm still having trouble accessing the site, dammit), but I was able to access this particular quiz. I got a different result when I took it this time, but I think the description is closer to how I see myself than the last one, I think.
