I seem to have misplaced my sunglasses. You know�again. And this is what I was talking about before, when I said that I can�t understand people who spend literally hundreds of dollars on sunglasses! I can�t even hold onto my fourteen dollar ones for more than three months at a stretch, I certainly don�t need to be dropping $300 for a pair of glasses by Ralph St. Polio, or whoever the fuck.
Actually, I guess if I�m going to be fair about it, I can�t really say that I �misplaced� my glasses. It�s not entirely as if I just put them somewhere and can�t remember. I believe they are somewhere in the E Terminal of the Detroit Airport (yeah, they�ve been missing for a while). The last time I remember having them was the day I came back from my weekend vacation; I was waiting for my boarding call, and I hooked them on the back of my shirt. Next thing you know, I�m getting off the plane in LA and my shirt is free of any and all UV protective tinted lenses. So, crap.
Now I�m back to the dilapidated pair of backup glasses I�ve had since the time I lost my sunglasses back in Chicago and needed a pair immediately. I bought these at Urban Outfitters, but please don�t interpret that to mean that they�re edgy and cool or anything. Really, they�re just kind of rectangular and squished. The squished part is because I kind of sat on them Sunday night -- like I�m not already in a crisis situation for sunglasses, that I have to make things even worse by sitting on the only pair I�ve got left. Plus they�re chipped and bent, and really pretty uncomfortable. So I�m hard up for eyewear, you guys.
Add to that the fact that I�ve only got about another five weeks left of my contact lenses, and after that? It�s hello glasses. Except that I�ll have to buy all new glasses, because my prescription has changed since the last pair I bought. I suppose I could just get new lenses ground and put in my old frames, but where�s the fun in that? I need to be new and refreshed all over! Give me new glasses, or give me death! Well, okay, not death�how about �give me new glasses, or give me a hickey�? I could deal with that.
Hold on a second -- now I�m thinking about making out with the receptionist�
Okay, I�m back. But seriously, I�m not looking forward to shelling out hundreds of dollars on glasses of any kind, even if they are corrective and I kind of need them to drive or I�ll get arrested. I�m not terribly fond of how I look in glasses. I mean, I could certainly look worse -- and there are days when I�m actually able to pull them off with a certain amount of retro, beatnik panache -- but so much of the time I just look like a socially defunct seventh grade truant, which is a look, but not the one I�m going for. Plus, I can�t really wear frames with the nose pads, because the pressure is really uncomfortable for me, so I have to wear the ones with frames thick enough to do without the pads, so I walk around like Lisa Loeb�s deranged cousin, or something, and everyone just kind of makes little comments about how Buddy Holly I look with my big glasses.
So I can�t say as my eyeballs will miss the intimacy they�ve shared with plastic these last couple of years, once I run out of contacts, but it�s still going to be a hassle. Plus, I�m going to have to buy new sunglasses, and then figure out how to work the old Real Glasses vs. Sunglasses driving situation, and that bites. And don�t even get me started on laser surgery, because the closest I can come to affording that is to get the cashier in the express lane at Ralph�s to price-check my retinas once a week.
I�ll keep you posted on the situation, but in the meantime, if anyone sees Lisa Loeb�s deranged, nerdy, teenage cousin, just wave and say hi.
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