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� Say it With Turkey �
12:13 p.m., 2005-11-29
Well, the thanks have been given, the turkey eaten, and the va cationed. I am now back in sunny (but still cold, though not even half as cold as home�read on) Los Angeles. It was a pretty good holiday weekend, I would say, despite the fact that it was TWELVE FREAKING DEGREES when I got off the plane on Thursday morning. But of course, I�m jumping ahead. Allow me to first tell you how I arrived at the airport for my redeye flight east: Early. Can you believe it? I was all in a panic about getting to the airport on time, and was all but positive I�d need to crawl out on the roof of the shuttle in hopeless highway gridlock and, like, use a cigarette lighter to turn my track pants into a hot air balloon, and float my way to the airport. There was no gridlock, however, and I arrive a good two and a half hours before my flight was to take off! And then my flight was delayed. An hour. So I sat there in the airport for three and a half hours, by which time I�d done absolutely everything there is to do to kill time in the airport, short of actually accepting and reading those little books the Hari Krishnas keep trying to foist onto you for a small �donation�, like it�s not a �donation� if you�re trading it for goods, because then it�s called A �PRICE�, but anyway. The flight itself was fine, and the cab ride to my parents� place was fine, too. The driver was Iraqi, and made a very strenuous point out of loving America and his fifteen years here. I�m sure I mumbled something politely to him before I tucked and rolled out the back door and went screaming for the State Police to arrest the terrorist in the Metro Cab who was clearly driving me back to his anti-Capitalist lair for some torture. That�s sarcasm. I actually felt kind of sad that he�d had enough people in his cab who would make him feel it necessary to immediately apologize for his nationality and burst into a rendition of �Stars and Stripes Forever� to prove he�s not a bad person. I don�t want to proselytize or anything, but prejudice kind of sucks, y�all. Thanksgiving was fun, although I was so tired I thought there was a chance I might fall over and die spontaneously from sleep deprivation. Or from sliding my mother�s manual trans car over a snowy berm and into a culvert full of ice water at fifteen miles an hour. Seriously, I have never seen that much snow on a Thanksgiving in recent memory. We usually have a dusting, but this was some ankle-deep shit, and nobody was plowing those roads! So I fishtailed out to my sister�s house and saw my niece and my mom and all those other people I�m related to, and then back to my dad�s to see my grandma and aunt and uncle�and you�ll all be thrilled to know that Lily, my parents� adorable dog, was NOT exiled to the neighbors�, and my little cousin who had been fearful of her last year is now her biggest fan. She is now known as �Cousin� Lily. It�s kind of cute. The next day, I went to breakfast with my mom, which was a lot of fun, and then wandered around town for a while. It had been a year since I saw it last, but it hasn�t changed too much (although they now have an American Apparel and yet another Starbucks). I was going to stop in at a caf� and read my book for a while, but then I realized I�d forgotten my book. So I went around the corner to this little second-hand bookstore where they specialize in mysteries, and to my absolute delight, I found a huge display of those dime store mystery novels from the fifties and sixties�you know, with the artists� renderings of scantily clad girls on the cover, with the taglines about how �she was a bad girl, who loved men and marijuana� and whatever? So I found the best title I possibly could and bought it and read the shit out of it. See for yourself:  Now you tell me: how could I possibly not buy Say it With Murder? Anyway, there may yet be more to say at a later date (though I�ll say it with words), but in the meantime, I�ve got shit I have to accomplish. Happy back from Thanksgiving, y�all! Someone Got Here By Searching For: �I feel defective� gay I�m Watching: Veronica Mars, which is seriously getting better and better all the time. I�m Reading: Say it With Murder by Ed Ronns. The title actually seems to have little, if anything, to do with the book, and the tagline makes no sense at all, but...seriously. Say it with murder! A Year Ago, I Said:
My mother didn�t end up making me go shopping with her the day after Thanksgiving after all, which was really great. She did, however, make me explain to her what �teabagging� is, after overhearing it in a conversation at Starbucks, and the less said about that the better.
Four Days of the Candor (a Thanksgiving Tale)
11-29-2004
� 2005 by Dr. No, all rights reserved; you break it, you buy it.
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