On Friday night, there was bowling. Not just regular bowling -- oh no! Drunk bowling. Because what is bowling without beer? Actually, bowling without beer is a thirteenth birthday party back in the midwest, but let�s not get sidetracked.
Anyway, it was lots of fun. I went with Jessica, Lauren, Charlie, May Day, and Jetta, and we all flaunted our mad bowling skillz in front of God and everybody. I�m proud to say that I came in third during the first game, also known as the �sober round�. I fared slightly less well during the second half.
Okay, you know how, when you haven�t been bowling in six years, your arm gets pretty sore pretty quickly when you�re lugging around a fifteen-pound chunk of marbled plastic and urethane, heaving it at a bunch of pins some 20 yards out? Yeah, that compromised my game in the second round. Do you also know how, like, if some fool-ass person (read: me) spills beer all over the floor, and then you step in it, it gets sticky? And then your shoes get sticky, and when you go to bowl, your soles stick to the floor like you�re the evil T1000, and then you take a header into the lane and almost die? Yeah, that compromised my game during the second round, too. I kind of came in dead last.
But hey -- you know who else likes to bowl? Hilary Duff and her boyfriend, Aaron Carter. That�s right! �Tween Queen Hilary Duff and her boyfriend, Nick Carter�s little brother, were at the bowling alley (heh -- I wrote �bowling assy�, which, while an accurate description of my form, is not what I meant to write there) at the same time we were. And let me tell you a little something: Lizzie McGuire ain�t got game. I mean, girl can�t bowl, y�all. However, she did have an assload of pizza, and Heather and I briefly considered knocking her �tween ass down and taking it. But we didn�t, because there were bodyguards.
On Saturday, May Day and I had company! Our friends Broadway and Twelve came up from San Diego so we could all go swing dancing (or, in my case, swing watching). All in all, it was a rousing success, but something very, very confusing happened to me. If anyone can figure this out, please tell me what the shit this was all about.
So, everyone else in my group decided to simultaneously go to the bathroom (yes, they were all girls, no, I don�t get it either, and no, that�s not the confusing thing that happened) so I decided to go wait by the bar. So I order a drink, and I�m standing there, minding my own and �la la�-ing along with the music, when this guy comes up and leans against the bar next to me. So I give him the surreptitious side-eye and decide he�s pretty cute, but I�m probably not his type. That�s when this exchange occurs:
Guy: Hey, you look like Tom Cruise.Me: Er�excuse me?
Guy: You know�like from Risky Business. Has anyone ever told you that?
Me: Actually�um, well, actually, yeah.
Don�t look at me like that, they have! I mean, it�s not like people are coming up to me randomly to tell me I look like a young Tom Cruise (well, not usually, anyway), but you know how you�ve got that picture where you look like Jake Gyllenhaal or Kate Hudson? I get, �Hey, you look like Tom Cruise in this picture!� sometimes.Guy: Can I take your picture?Me: Um, I guess so, sure.
he takes my pictureGuy: Awesome. I got a picture of Tom Cruise. So�do you want a drink?
And here�s where my ineptitude at flirting bobbed to the surface and I stupidly held up the drink I�d been sipping right in front of him, like, �Oh, I just got this one.� And he was like, �Oh, okay,� and then kind of wandered away. And then I kicked myself, because that�s totally when you�re supposed to knock the drink backwards off the bar and say, �Sure!�Anyway, when May Day returned from the bathroom, she spent the next fifteen minutes urging me to go talk to him again (and please interpret that to mean fifteen straight, consecutive minutes with no breaks or resting periods), until I finally screwed up my courage and went back over to the bar. So I introduced myself and we flirted for a bit, and then he walked back over to his group, and my friends immediately flocked over to me.
May Day: That�s bullshit! That�s such bullshit!Broadway: Total bullshit. I can�t believe it.
Me: Huh? What?
Broadway: He�s not gay.
Me: What?
May Day: His friends just said he�s not gay! It�s bullshit!
Broadway: He offered you a drink!
May Day: He flirted with you!
Twelve: And he checked your ass out like a library book when we walked by their table, too.
May Day: Bullshit, I tell you!
So I seriously don�t understand men. Like, at all.Oh, and then on Sunday, we popped into a naughty adult store from whence I called Lauren, because it was inappropriate, which is, of course, the theme of the summer. Woohoo!
Evidently, I like to play the guitar. But with drum sticks.
