I don�t know where all you guys live, or if you�ve been keeping up with current events out here on the west coast (outlook: bleak), but in case you�ve missed it, our supermarket workers are all boycotting. Now, here�s the thing: I don�t know exactly what they�re protesting, but I am certainly always in favor of a good protest, particularly when it�s the working man involved -- we�ve all had to suffer through shitty-ass jobs where we�ve been constantly demeaned, taken for granted, and slighted of our well-deserved rewards, and anyone who finally has the gumption to stand up and say, �Fuck you, we�re not taking it anymore!� has my respect. But despite my sympathy lying with the overworked, underpaid laborers who put up with a lot of verbal abuse every day so I can buy cottage cheese when I want to, there is one extremely salient factor that is preventing me from endorsing this particular strike. And that factor is this: I�m. Fucking. Hungry.
I have no food! Nobody kept me abreast of these developing conditions in the supermarket industry! I was not aware that I ought to be stockpiling my groceries to prepare for the unknown duration of time in which I would not be able to enter a supermarket without being spit upon or called foul names by the very people whose demands I would otherwise support without question! All I have to eat in the apartment an eighth of a two-week-old onion and 1/3 of a cup of frozen peas. Well, to be fair, I also have some white rice, some sugar-laden instant oatmeal, and a couple packets of ramen noodles, but those are all strictly prohibited by My New Healthy Diet.
And before you go judging me and My New Healthy Diet, let me just tell you that in the six weeks I�ve been adhering to said diet, my abdomen has developed into an eight-pack. Not a six-pack, but an eight-pack. My exercise regime has not changed one iota, so I feel I can safely say that My New Healthy Diet is the primary contributor to this fortuitous change in my physique, and frankly, I�m rather enjoying it. I�m not looking forward to being forced back into a life of simple carbohydrates again for any reason on this earth.
Unfortunately, I have also not won the lottery any time in the past few months, so I cannot afford to dine out every afternoon and evening, either. I have very few avenues of recourse left open to me, in regard to how I will find sustenance for myself in these upcoming weeks. I mean, what? Am I supposed to do my grocery shopping at 7-11 now? Great. I can look forward to a hearty diet of beef jerky and Sunny Delight until such time as strike negotiations can be successfully resolved.
And the other thing I would like to know, is why did they have to go and involve me in this?? I�m on their side, so why am I not allowed to buy groceries now? Can�t they just not show up for work, and make the managers do everything by themselves? I dare say they�d get the point. But to keep me from my beloved produce section? Well, let me just say that in about three days time, I�m going to take down anyone standing between me and the deli, and I�ll grind their bones to make my bread. And I�m not being figurative.
Oh, and also? I�m out of deodorant. I was going to buy some at the store today, but�well, you know how that story ends. So if you need me in the next couple weeks, I�m going to be the stinking, skeletal guy in the corner, dying of scurvy
Someone Got Here By Searching For: turkey drumstick fuck And: mtv commercial at bus stop I�m Watching: My Sunday night line-up. I�m Craving: Food.