First of all I want to know why people give me excuses on the phone. I really don�t care. And I�m not saying that to be a bitch, either, it�s just the truth. I don�t care! And why do they insist on providing me with backstory for each of their requests?
For example, this woman called this morning asking for Dolly. I informed her that Dolly wasn�t in yet, but instead of getting, �Oh,� or �Can I leave a message?� I get, �Well, I just spoke to her yesterday and she told me to call today.� Why would you say that? What has that got to do with anything? If Dolly isn�t here, she isn�t here. It�s not like her presence is conditional on your reason for calling. I�m not lying, people! And the backstory doesn�t stop there, either.
�I just wanted to take a look at one of the boats because I�m trying to plan my daughter�s sweet sixteen birthday party!� Oh, you are? How fascinating! What the fuck difference does that make to me, exactly? She�s still not in. I mean, hooray for your daughter and everything, but, sweet sixteen or no, Dolly�s still not coming in for at least another hour. So I asked if the lady wanted to leave a message.
�It�s kind of important that I see the boat pretty quickly, like before the end of the week, because I�m trying to plan this party for April 13.� Again, that�s really neat-o, but it doesn�t mean shit to me. Do they really think that if they keep qualifying their request, it�s going to make a salesperson magically appear? And, what�s more than that, my question was not, �How urgent is this?� My question was, �Do you want to leave a message for Dolly?�
Which leads me to my next point. Why can�t people just answer the damn question? It�s not like I�m being all tricky over here, and couching the question inside a tangled web of words. I�m being remarkably direct, and I would appreciate the same in return. Just now the phone rang and there was a woman on the other end of the line who wouldn�t answer my questions! I wanted to know how many people she was trying to book (less than 20 means she can go directly to reservations), and she simply wouldn�t answer me!
Her: How much is it?Me: That depends. How many people are you looking to book?
Her: Well, is this the Mother�s Day cruise?
Me: Sure. How many people are you trying to book?
Her: I just want information on the cruise.
Me: Right. I don�t have that, but if you tell me how many people you�re trying to book, I can direct you to someone who does.
Her: You guys do do a Mother�s Day cruise, right?
Me: Yes. How many people are you looking to book on it?
Her: Why can�t I just get some information on it?
Um, because you�re a stupid whore who won�t answer my damn question? Just a thought.But seriously! Doesn�t it at least stand to reason that I might have a clue over here? If I�m asking you a pertinent question, don�t you think it would make sense to answer it so I can better assist you? And then there are the people who simply don�t seem to believe me, which is not only insulting, it�s also aggravating as hell.
Like these two ladies that popped into the office this morning, wanting information on the harbor tour. We don�t do the harbor tour, which I tried to to explain, but they didn�t believe me! I told them that and they just stared at me, blankly. So I pointed to the dock and informed them that the company that does run the harbor tour operates out of the boathouse. �Well, there�s no one down there.� They complained, and then crossed their arms and looked at me expectantly.
What do they want now, a tap dance? An aria? I�ve got nothing left to offer, sister! We don�t do harbor tours, and if the guy that does isn�t around, I can�t do anything else for you! Why don�t people get it? They seriously talked to me for ten minutes (during which time this shitty radio station was playing the only type of stuff I ever like to listen to -- which is to say: gossip about Corey Clark getting his ass punted from American Idol for beating the crap out of his sister)! Which takes me right back to my original point. All the qualifications and backstory in the world don�t change certain immutable truths, like the fact that we don�t. Do. Harbor tours. Not a lot in life is absolute, but you can count on that.
