An open letter to the loud-ass people outside my window�

Dear Loud-Ass People,

One chorus of �Happy Birthday To You� will suffice. Whosever birthday it is? He knows. You are not surprising him with this news, so you can probably just sing it once to let him know you remembered, and then have done with it. If he still hasn�t picked up on the message by the time you begin the second or third refrain, I�d wager he�s either too drunk or too stupid to get it at all. Besides that, and I�m not saying this to be mean, but you guys are really off-key. Thank you.

Signed,
The Cranky Guy Next Door

Uh�at least it�s not Daredevil!

See? I feel better already! Actually, it�s very hard to remain entirely positive about everything, and I don�t just mean that it�s hard to see the bright side sometimes. Quite frankly, I can usually always see the bright side, but I�m also usually aware that the Bright Side is fully and totally eclipsed by the Dark Side. I generally frown on lying to myself about situations or people, because that�s counterproductive, but perhaps I should be more charitable overall in my opinions of situations and other people.

The way I see it is that first you start complaining in general, and that opens the door to complaining in specific, and before you know it, you�re making fun of people with inherent medical conditions they can�t do anything about and laughing at them with your friends. I don�t want to be that guy. On the other hand, I also don�t want to be Guy Who Swallows A Really Good Joke About Tara Reid And Ashton Kutcher Being In A Movie Together, And Practically Chokes To Death On It Because It�s So Good, And He�s Kicking Himself Because Everyone Would Totally Laugh Their Asses Off If They Heard The Joke, But He Can�t Let Himself Say It, And Then Someone Else In The Group Thinks Of The Same Thing, But They Bungle The Delivery And Everyone Just Kind Of Chuckles Half-Heartedly, And You Finally Snap And Blurt The Joke Out With The Correct Delivery, And Everyone Chuckles A Little More And Agrees That Yeah, The Joke Would Have Been Much, Much Funnier That Way, But They Basically Already Just Heard The Joke, So It�s Lost All Its Punch, And So Not Only Do You Not Get The Big Laughs You Richly Deserve, But You Look Like You Didn�t Think Of It First, And Because You Couldn�t Keep Your Mouth Shut, On Top Of Everything Else, You�re Going To Hell Now. I hate being that guy.

There must be a way to satisfy both needs, mustn�t there?

Someone Got Here By Searching For: full tummy �tuck eat And: parasurfing I�m Watching: Reno 911!. Seriously, this show is brill. I�m Eating: A whole bunch of really good, sarcastic barbs I thought of today, that I then decided were too mean-spirited to say out loud. Sigh.

my last adventure: People Blow
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