So today�this very day�I returned from my �vacation� in the increasingly-less-frozen wilds of my home in the Great White North(ern territory) known as...the midwest. Seriously, though, it rained almost every single one of the ten days I was there. I�m dreaming of a white Christmas, indeed. When my plane landed, it was all twenty degrees out and everything was covered in a thick blanket of snow that looked about a day or two old. Those of you from colder climes will appreciate what SEVEN SOLID DAYS OF RAIN does to snow. Christmas wasn�t so much �white� as �charcoal� and �ecru�.
Plus which, can I really call it a vacation when I was just taking a few days out of my heavy schedule of not working to, you know, not work? I mean, don�t get me wrong: I was totally still in Vacation Mode, I just don�t know if it really counts as a vacation per se. Vacation Mode, for those of you without a soul, is that blissful state in which you reject all ties to your normal life, cheat on your diet, drink everything within reach that has an alcohol percentage and shame your family in front of close friends, accidentally drunk dial Pussy Galore�s mom in the middle of the night and blurt out how wasted you are before you realize who it is you�re talking to, and generally just stop worrying about your life. Some of those you might only do if you�re, you know, me, but I got carried away with my list.
Another thing I did to pass the time while I wasn�t working, hanging out with my friends, or updating my journal (because, um, I didn�t, is what I�m trying to confess) is watch all the remaining episodes of Twin Peaks that I hadn�t yet viewed. In doing so, I finally quenched my burning desire to learn who, exactly, killed Laura Palmer, and also managed to become drunk on TV in that way where you start dreaming that you�re in the show, which, with Twin Peaks, is actually kind of scary. Oh, and I knew �who� killed Laura Palmer, including the who�s �true� �identity�, but because the first season doesn�t resolve the mystery, I�d never seen how it all shook out. So, now I have. I have also figured out why the series got canceled: without Laura Palmer, the show turned into Desperate Housewives.
Don�t look at me like that, you know Desperate Housewives is totally overrated. Anyway, it�s kind of an ironic comparison, since Brenda Strong, the current voice of our intrepid and cloying narrator Mary Alice Young, actually replaced Laura Palmer herself, Sheryl Lee, from the show�s pilot. The irony, of course, is that Brenda Strong was also a Twin Peaks alum. Her voice was better on Peaks, by the way. But anyhoo, my point is that the show was all creepy and intriguing and unpredictable, and then Laura Palmer�s killer is revealed and captured and stuff, and then what? Then we�ve got a bunch of scattered plotlines that never intersect about Cooper�s old partner and Donna�s real dad and Nadine�s an amnesiac and Josie�s a whore and James is banging some married lady who looks like she�s probably lying about her age. Oh, and some little boy may-or-may-not be the devil. Welcome to Wisteria Lane, is all I�m saying.
Also, welcome to my new iPod, because I got one for Christmas, and I haven�t been able to leave it alone for thirty seconds since I opened the package. It took me a full hour to figure out how to get my music on it too, because I�m a boy and I don�t read �instructions�. �You�re not the boss of me,� I told the instructions. �Don�t you tell ME what to do!� And then I managed to load about thirty songs from my CDs through a jury-rigged system I developed, and then promptly deleted all but four of them with one keystroke, and then I read the directions. I guess I just had to make that decision for myself, you know?
I also got a whole crapload of books and DVDs, which made getting my suitcase back to Los Angeles a real treat, I can tell you. I mean, I�m not complaining�I love me some new books and DVDs, but that sucker was hea-vee. Some strained muscles are a small price to pay, though, for the pleasure of saying that I got the first season of Remington Steele on DVD, and I believe I said earlier that I didn�t want you to LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!
And now I have a birthday party for to get to. Merry Holidays and a (forthcoming) Happy New Year, y�all.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: gingerbread people print-outs I�m Watching: Twin Peaks, yo! I�m Reading: On the plane I began Destination Unknown, aka So Many Steps to Death, by Agatha Christie.