So. Last night was the American Idol finale extravaganza, at the end of which Ruben Studdard was declared the grand winner. Following the announcement, May Day and I broke out in cries of, �Oh. Okay.�
I mean, we liked Ruben and all, but there was just no getting thrilled about the show this season. The most excitement we experienced last night was when Kelly Clarkson came out to perform, and when the first-ousted Vanessa Olivarez returned to perform with the rest of the crew. But we�ll get to that.
In retrospect, we were pulling for Clay to win. I really didn�t think I cared that much, but I was a trifle disappointed when he didn�t get first place. Only a trifle, though. Like I said, no excitement. In fact, I�m having trouble getting excited about writing this, so let�s move on to something I can really sink my teeth into: The Dread Carmen!
Hee! Did you guys see her up there, acting filthy and shaming her family while gyrating her way through Olivia Newton-John�s �Physical� with Julia DeBlando and Kimberly Caldwell? Seriously, guys, get Carmen off my TV. Did you know she�s going to be a warm-up act for The Dave Matthews Band? No, really, she is! And she�s going to be in a movie, too! Don�t believe me? See for yourself. I don�t get it. I really don�t! I mean, she�s cute and all, but she can�t sing, and she�s not even so charismatic that her appeal can override her flaws. She�s just a regular girl with an iffy voice that somehow mesmerized a bunch of people with connections. If she could bottle it and sell it, she�d be an instant millionaire.
Now let�s discuss Vanessa Olivarez! I love her. I love her almost like I loved Kelly, if you can believe it. I mean, nothing will compare to the love I have in my heart for Kelly Clarkson, who�s going to marry me someday (but don�t tell her, because I want it to be a surprise), but Vanessa is just so very cool. I was quite surprised to see her back on the stage though. When she was inexplicably ejected the first week of the competition, and then the producers barred her from the finale, cut her out of the tour, and left her off the compilation CD, I had the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong.
Seriously, what the fuck was all that about? Like, I heard a rumor that she was going to pose nude for a PETA ad, and that�s part of what caused the rift, but that seems a little excessive, don�t you think? I know the early favorite, Frenchie Davis, was kept out of the competition for her nude modeling, but the circumstances were quite different (for those who don�t know yet, at the age of nineteen, she posed topless for a site advertising itself as kiddie porn -- thanks for creeping me out). That�s hinky, and I understand that. But when they�ve got a convicted shoplifter up there (and last season, they had a contestant who worked in a strip club), I don�t see why an animal rights activist is so beyond the pale. Particularly when those PETA ads don�t actually show anything naughty.
It just smacked of a flimsy excuse, to me. The producers didn�t like Vanessa for some reason, so they kicked her off the show and disavowed all knowledge of her actions and existence. Then they pulled all the strings they could to keep The Dread Carmen around, they pimped out Josh Gracin, and they did everything they could to get rid of Trenyce, Kimberley Locke, and eventually Clay Aiken as well. Make no mistake, this is not a fair and even playing field, here. So you can imagine my surprise when Vanessa turned up again, kicking some ass and singing better than Charles, Corey, Carmen, Josh, Julia, Kimberley, and probably Rickey, ever did.
Anyway, for whatever reason, I couldn�t get passionate about the show this time around. I was glad Ruben and Clay made it to the final round, and I guess I kind of wanted Clay to win a bit more, but I wasn�t upset that he didn�t. Not like I would have been last time around if Justin had stolen the crown from my fianc�e Kelly Clarkson, anyway. I�m happy for Ruben, but I�m not planning on buying his album, and I think I can stand to wait another year for the next round of American Idol, too.
The real question is, now that all my shows are over for the season, what the fuck am I going to do with myself through the summer?
