I don�t know about y�all, but this heatwave (which we�ve got going in Southern California -- I don�t know where the hell you are) is really taking it out of me. I�ve been all sluggish and lethargic, and unable to get up or compel myself to move. Basically I just lie there on the floor like a speed bump and stare at the wall. And then Sophie comes in and starts screaming at me about how "this is an office, not a nursery" and blah blah blah, what a buzzkill.
Actually, the only immobilizing forces at work here at Arts-Friendly are the complex issues, compounded by profound stupidity on the part of everyone else involved, that really rob you of your will to live. The heat really has no purchase on our office, as it�s always so fucking cold in here that my fingers hurt and I�m about to start a fire in my trashcan to warm up. I�m not kidding. Shirley, the Accounting Manager, actually has her space heater on today.
On the plus side, this means I�ve got no qualms about drinking a nice, hot cup of coffee every single morning. Which is nice. I�d rather start off with a cup of coffee than a temper tantrum, because I promise you it would be one or the other. I�m not really a "morning person". Morning people are scary and should be contained until about noon, when I think it would be safe to release them into the general population. And I�m not talking about our safety either. Remember the axe and the wallpaper? I�ve got my eye on you, morning people.
Of course the freakish cold front in the building, generated by an extremely overworked air conditioning system (I understand why I get paid so damn little -- the electricity bill for the office must be so high it can only be expressed by a logarithm), does cause a rather interesting side effect. By the time I get about halfway through my life-sustaining java, it�s turned into a frappuccino! I do love a good frappuccino. Of course, I usually only love them when I need something sweet that will lower my body temperature because it�s hot out. I think if I lowered my body temperature any more than where it is now, my organs would contract to the size of an electron and my body might spontaneously implode.
Now might be a good time to mention that my office doesn�t have a window. In fact, almost none of the offices have windows. In fact, the only windows in the entire building are located in Sophie�s office(s). Yes, she actually has two offices, and there are windows in both. I think this is actually a very clever move on her part. Not only does it keep the rest of us from becoming affected by natural light or distracted by the existence of the free world, but it also limits our ability to end it all once we�ve been robbed of our will to live by complex issues and profound stupidity (refer back to first paragraph).
The situation with the office temperature (to get back to my original point) has also put me in a rather unfortunate wardrobe quandary. I wake up warm and wish to put on short sleeves for the walk to the office. Then I get to the office and wish I could put on snow pants, a turtleneck, a down vest, a parka, and get into a climate-controlled diving bell for the rest of the day. There really isn�t a very happy medium, but if I�m to look on the bright side, at least I�ve learned the beauty of dressing in layers.
In any case, spring is now all around us -- a fact in which I revel -- but it will always be winter in my heart. And in my office.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: "Diane Farr" birthday [Who the hell is searching for that?] And: DMV eye chart I�m Watching: Kathy Griffin�s The D-List, and it was�meh. I�m Reading: Entertainment Weekly.