Well, you�ll all be glad to know that the new computers arrived today at Arts-Friendly Non-Profit. Finally. And yes, I did say computers. It seems we had one that crashed into a state of irreparability, so I was not the only one forced to go without a computer for the past week. However, the new ones arrived today, and some dude was installing them as I left, so I believe things will swiftly return to normal. Except that after a week of fucking around all day long, my work ethic has completely dissipated. So�yeah, I guess normal is the word I�m looking for.
In unrelated news, I have become completely addicted to the Food Channel. I love it. I just think the whole concept is totally brilliant! I mean, an entire channel dedicated to food? It�s sensational! At first, my relationship with TFC was a passing one -- I�d flip through channels and suddenly find myself learning how to cook a really mouth-watering steak, or maybe I�d figure out just how they get the holes in those donuts -- but pretty soon I found myself gravitating towards it as one of my trusted second-string choices; You know, if there was nothing on MTV or the Cartoon Network, I�d check out Cooking Live or Iron Chef.
And things have only escalated from there. Pretty soon, TFC became one of my first-stringers, and, ironically, the station I always tune-in to when I work out. I hate to admit it, but�I�ve actually put off going for my run before because I got too invested in learning how to make a smoked ham. A smoked ham! When am I ever going to need that knowledge? Well, I guess if sometime in the future I buy a smokehouse, I might need it. But then, realistically, if I�ve gone to the trouble of buying a whole fucking smokehouse, I�ll probably also put a little more research and energy into learning how to smoke a ham than just watching an episode of From Martha�s Kitchen.
Lately, the program they�re airing during my workout time is 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray. I can not miss that show, now. Is that weird? I mean, it�s not like it�s all tightly plotted and suspenseful (�Will Rachael remember to take the rolls out of the broiler before they burn? Will the hot mustard and the maple syrup blend harmoniously in the vinaigrette for the sesame chicken salad? And what will become of the broccoli? Stay tuned!�), but I have to watch it! Every. Single. Day.
I should tell you that Ms. Ray and I have developed quite the love/hate relationship over the past couple months. There�s just something about her�I can�t put my finger on it, but whatever it is, it drives me crazy. The way she constantly refers to extra virgin olive oil as �E.V.O.O.�? It simultaneously makes me want to clap my hands with glee, and stave in the TV screen with a billy club. I have the same reaction to the way she giggles about everything, the way she uses a mixing bowl as a trash can (and acts like it�s totally normal!), and the irritating way she chops garlic. And yet -- and I can�t explain this -- but on the odd occasion where she doesn�t follow through with one of these rituals, I feel betrayed and a little disappointed. What the hell is that?
Whatever it is, I like it. After 30 Minute Meals is From Martha�s Kitchen, and that show always cracks me up. It opens with this montage of gorgeous foodstuffs, and Martha Stewart peeking in gigantic, steaming kettles, or stealing a finger-full of frosting, and then smiling at the camera in that stilted way that just screams, �The producers are trying to make me look cute. I don�t do cute.� And I love Martha, because she�s so unrealistic. She�s like, �And you can really point up the flavor with some pickled beets from your garden!� Like we�ve all just got that shit lying around. I don�t have a garden, Martha. I have an apartment. Once, she was detailing some recipe for a dish that involved poaching chicken in stock, and her special guest stopped her to ask, �What if you don�t have time to make your own stock? Are there any good ones you can just buy?� and Martha just stared at him for a moment like he�d suggested she pee in it. Eventually she muttered something about a reliable brand or two, but you could tell her real answer was, �Bitch, if you don�t care enough to make your own chicken stock from scratch, then get the fuck out of the kitchen.�
Man, I love her.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: �fuck the bookstore� And: people who eat whatever they want and don�t care how they look I�m Watching: Face-kicking. I�m Reading: Chapter one! Wooooo!