I never thought I would say this, but...I am so over this Brangelina thing, y�all. Right at first? In the early days? I never thought I could get enough. The whole �scandal� was just so utterly, and who could resist the titlliating implications of the world�s Two Hottest People possibly shacking up? Frankly, it seemed only logical to me. If they were to procreate, the ineffable beauty of their offspring would be well nigh cataclysmic. I imagine it would be like in Back to the Future 2, when Christopher Lloyd warned Michael J. Fox and Lea Thompson that if their future selves were to see their present selves, untold catastrophe would rend the universe in twain (or whatever, I don�t remember that movie too well). Anyway, it was awesome to consider that. That, and the parallels to the Debbie Reynolds-Eddie Fisher-Liz Taylor triangle from yesteryear, you know, with the way they were playing Angelina up to be the, like, bionic, man-stealing equivalent of the T1000, and Jennifer Aniston as this Mary Pickford-esque �America�s Sweetheart Caught in the Philandering Lurch� type.
I guess part of my problem with this whole arrangement is just that I don�t really think of Jennifer Aniston as America�s �Sweetheart�. I mean, I can�t speak for you guys, but she�s not my sweetheart, you know? It�s tough to be America�s Sweetheart -- just ask Hilary Duff. She�s trying so hard the veins are popping out on her forehead, but we�re a bunch of jaded, cynical assholes who no longer accept our force-feedings from the overbearing hands of publicists. Like, we�ve met J.Lo, and we know she�s not �just Jenny from the block�, so stop telling us that because you�re just ruining your own credibility. Sure, she�s cute and likeable and whatever, but...I�d leave Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie too, probably. I�m just trying to be honest.
Anyway, I don�t want you guys to think that I just spend my weeks just sitting around, ruminating on celebrity gossip (well, not exclusively). This past weekend, I took a quick trip down to San Diego for to visit my friend, Argyle, at her new apartment in Mission Hills! Of course, getting there was half the phunk:
I knew I needed gas long before I got on the road, but I have this thing about paying $3.00 per gallon, in that I don�t. So I figured I�d drive for an hour or so and then stop somewhere outside the city for some of the cheap stuff. And God laughed. Seriously, I pulled off the highway once, on seemingly the only exit in southern California that doesn�t have a gas station, got back on and drove until my fuel light went on, pulled off again and found myself driving through some fake town full of old people and expensive cars -- it was like some kind of network of upscale retirement villages, or something, with this grid of identical houses and lexus-driving sexagenarians and NO GAS STATIONS, so I got BACK on the road, going the WRONG WAY, and finally managed to find a pump at the most awkwardly designed off-ramp ever built.
When I finally got to San Diego, Argyle and I were both starving, and decided to head out for a bite to eat. Little did we know that just around the bend, in the friendly neighborhood of Hillcrest, San Diego was celebrating Gay Pride:
Argyle: Oh my gosh...we�re trapped in the parade!
Me: Don�t worry -- I speak Gay, I�ll get us out of here!
I didn�t get us out of there. Instead, trapped in a groundswell of gay men and detoured traffic, we ended up doing a cloverleaf pattern on and off the expressway, until Irony jumped into the backseat and Argyle�s car...ran out of gas. So we had to get out and hike all way to the restaurant (because we were just. That. Hungry.) before calling Argyle�s boyfriend to meet us at the gas station and drive us back to the car, so we could gas up.The rest of the weekend was really quite pleasant, even though I got a little trigger-happy with my credit card, and a little �crunk� on Saturday night. Okay, a lot �crunk�. We played this drinking game to this movie, and...let�s just say I laughed so hard I almost snorted my liver into my sinus cavity and then woke up the next day feeling like it had shot the rest of the way up into my brain. Ah, the good times.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: ice icebaby free to lower I�m Watching: John Carpenter�s The Fog, because I saw that they�re remaking it with Tom Welling. They�ve also cast Maggie Grace and Selma Blair, and that�s going to be one tall, skinny, angular movie right there. And: Passions, because this DISASTER business is the shit.