Well, let�s begin with a look back at last night�s American Idol: in a non-surprise move, Kimberley Locke was totally voted off the island, and Ruben and Clay are now headed for what promises to be a very entertaining showdown. I have to say I�m pleased with the results. I�ll miss Kim, but I think she made it as far as she should have.
Tamyra Gray also came back last night to perform an overlong and unremittingly lousy rendition of �Somewhere Over the Rainbow�. I mean, I like Tamyra as a singer -- I think she�s got wonderful control and technique and all that -- but that song was crap. She was shaky, off-key, and slower than a bar on a Tuesday afternoon. But maybe I�m just biased against the modernization (the popping, if you will) of, you know, songs like �Somewhere Over the Rainbow�. And that�s not a Gay Thing, either, that�s a Purist thing. Turning �Somewhere Over the Rainbow� into a modern power ballad is like creating a hip-hop cover of �Surrey With a Fringe On Top�. Which is to say: stupid.
Also last night was the final, wheezing gasp of that hoary �teen� �angst�-fest, Dawson�s Crap. Excuse me, �Creek�. And let me just say that it came not a minute too soon. Now I�ve watched that show since its first, fairly inoffensive episode �lo these many years ago, and I stuck with it to the bitter, crappy, self-indulgent end. Why, you might ask, would I put myself through that? Let me tell you.
Well, to begin with, I watched the first season because it didn�t suck too badly, and it was on after Buffy. I watched the second season because it still had a few redeeming qualities, and it was on before Felicity. I watched its third season because�well, okay, here�s where it gets a little flimsy. I had this personal goal, see, to have one show for which I�d seen every single episode, and given that I�d missed an episode of Buffy, DC was the front-runner. Plus, it was so incredibly insulting that it filled me with a blinding, white-hot rage, and I needed something to get passionate about every week.
After living through the abysmal third year of that low-grade, demeaning, offensive, misogynist pap, I couldn�t very well stop, could I? So I stuck around for the whiny fourth season, the boring fifth season, and finally, the substance-free, bland, and tedious sixth season. And I watched the finale last night to make sure the damn thing was dead. And I�m quite happy to report that it wasn�t anywhere near as awful as it deserved to be.
For those of you who haven�t seen it yet, these next two paragraphs will spoil it. First of all, I�m so glad that Pacey and Joey ended up together, if not because they belonged together (though they did), then because it meant that stupid-ass Dawson didn�t get to own Joey like he�s felt he�s deserved to all along. Second of all, I�m glad he ended up alone, because I hate him. Third of all, I�m glad that when it all shook out in the end, Pacey and Joey were happy together, and Dawson had no one. Yay! But seriously, the finale was actually a real tearjerker, because Michelle Williams�s character, the sadly misunderstood Jen, gave up the ghost and died from a mysterious heart condition. I won�t go into all the details except to say that Michelle Williams just kicked the ass out of that role, and the scenes with her, Jack, and Grams absolutely broke my heart. I was also impressed by Kerr Smith (which pains me to admit), whose acting skills I�ve previously compared unfavorably with those of the Olson twins�. From back in their Full House days.
Anyway, it was very well done, although there were plenty of times I had reason to exercise my eye-rolling muscles. For instance, during any scene with Dawson and Joey. I�ve been roundly ignoring their crap since season two, though, so that was no big change. There was also a scene where Jack admonishes the others not to cry in front of Jen after they�ve learned of her condition, and I had to snort out loud, because it�s like those self-absorbed snots could cry about anything but themselves anyway. I also loved the part where Dawson, Joey, and Pacey are leaving the hospital, Joey gets a call from her boyfriend, and Dawson remarks, �And the triangle becomes a square.� The triangle always was a square, you dickhole! Remember Jen? The one who�s fucking dying? Whatever. The show always marginalized and ignored her, and it was nice to finally have some focus redirected to a criminally underused actress and character. It didn�t make up for six years of crappy treatment, but it was as good as one could hope.
Anyway, it�s all over now. My tape cut off the last fifteen minutes, though, so I�m sure I missed some really important stuff, but I think I got everything I needed to see. And now I�m free. Free! That show is out of my life forever!
Drinks are on me, okay?
