Okay, so I�ve got this cold, see? And it won�t go away. It�s not the worst cold I�ve ever had (see below), but it�s no fun. Also no fun? This damn commercial for Single in L.A., some motherfucking program on some motherfucking cable channel about a bunch of vain, self-important women trying to get laid in L.A. Essentially, it�s Sex and the City, only for real. Like we don�t get enough of fake vain self-importance on HBO that we need it from real people. Every time that commercial comes on, it makes me want to smash my head through my computer screen. Especially the part with the chick who snots out, �Who wouldn�t want me? Who??? I ask you!!!� I don�t want you, sister. How do you like them apples?
But I digress. Back on topic, I�ve got this cold. A few years ago, I worked in a public health clinic, which was really rewarding and all, but I got sick all the damn time. They tell you the first year you work in healthcare or childcare, you get everything. Well, at the time, I was working in both. Plus, Pussy Galore�s daughter was at that age when every time we would eat together it was always, �First I taste it, and then you taste it!� So I was sick a lot that year. I mean, I had everything from ebola to Montezuma�s Revenge, you know? However, the upside of it all is that after that first year, you develop this bionic immune system that�s resistant to everything. Like, that Anthrax scare? Please. I went home every day and sniffed my mail, just because I was so bad-ass.
Unfortunately, there is no resistance to the common cold. Although my colds are no longer that common, come to think of it. That year I worked at the clinic, I developed a really, really bad head cold -- which was odd, because I�d never had a head cold before -- and it royally fucked me up. My equilibrium was all wonky, I couldn�t hear out of one ear, I couldn�t breathe, my head felt like it was filled with cement, and the pressure behind my sinuses could�ve shot a 1969 Ford Mustang thirty feet into the air, had it been harnessed properly. I was off-balance and groggy twenty-four hours a day and walked around like a circus clown on Angel Dust for the better part of two months that winter.
And now, every cold I get is a head cold. I don�t know what happened during the course of that one illness, but it completely altered my biology. I haven�t had a single cold in the last two years that didn�t come at me face first and leave me lying flat on my ass, feeling like my head was wrapped in plastic. And it�s practically impossible to feel even remotely attractive when you�re sick, let alone when your face weighs an extra fourteen pounds due to fluid retention. You're never sexier than when your head feels like a wet, lumpy sandbag, you know? I feel like I'm the Elephant Man or something.
I suppose I ought to try and track down some decongestants, but I�ve only had limited success with those in the past, and I�m so freaking broke right now. It�s sad that I can�t really afford to drop ten bucks on some lame-ass Sudafed. Whatever. Decongestants usually work once for me, and then never again. What�s up with my body? I can�t defend myself against this stupid cold virus, but just try and give me some antihistamines, and my body will tell you just where to get off.
Well, last night I met shy and her sister, which was a lot of fun. We had dinner and drinks and talked and talked and talked. Poor shy had spent the entire day sitting on an airplane (no exaggeration, either guys -- the entire day), so she was quite happy to be out and about. I was quite happy to be meeting in person someone I�ve conversed with pretty regularly for the past year and a half or so. She�s good people, that one! And funny, too!
Oh, and incidentally? I'm the worst brother ever, because I'm completely forgot to wish my little brother, KillerWorkout, a Happy Birthday! Today he is...a lot older than I'm comfortable with, because I still picture him in my head as being about twelve. But he's seriously the most kickest-ass brother a guy could hope to have. In fact, on Monday? I'm going to write a whole entry about how kick-ass he is! So there. I'm not such a bad brother after all. Nyah.
