Late-night TV both excites and frightens me. Ever since my early teens, I�ve had this odd inclination -- call it desire, compulsion, or whatever you like -- to watch the telly well into the wee hours. When I was twelve, I used to set my alarm for one o�clock in the morning and sneak downstairs, where I watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents and The Patty Duke Show (look, there wasn�t much on, okay?), until I finally loped off to bed.
And, dude; you see some seriously weird shit on TV late at night. Like last night, when I was flipping channels and all of a sudden I found myself watching some kind of ballet featuring an evil clown in a kilt doing a jig with a pair of butcher knives. No, seriously. No. Seriously. I believe it was Lon Cheney (or Lon Cheney, Jr...one of those Lon Cheneys, anyway) who said there's nothing scarier than a clown after midnight. All I have to say is, word, Lonnie. Word.
And this one time, I was flipping channels, and I paused on one station in time to see some lady scream, "I just! Can�t! Take it anymore!" and then fling her sewing machine out the window. And they did this big, dramatic shot of the sewing machine hitting the patio, and then, as it broke into a million pieces, they froze the frame while the narrator jumped in and asked about your sewing machine, like, "Has this ever happened to you?"
Yeah. Yeah, that�s happened to me. And I hate it!
My need to watch late-night TV has only increased of late, and I can�t quite figure out the driving force behind it. I partly blame the Food Network, of course, but lately all they�ve been showing at night is stupid Emeril Live, and I�m not about to watch that. And I can�t watch Nick at Nite or TVLand, or whatever, because all they�re playing is shit like Mr. Ed and I Dream of Jeannie, and I�m not into that. So instead I watch evil dancing clowns.
Oh, and on another subject, I found out that there are a total of somewhere around $7,500 worth of damages to my car, which I should be getting back in another few weeks. That�s great, since I don�t have to pay for it. I need my car, too, because although May Day�s been great about helping me out with transportation, I can�t ask her to take me everywhere, and I�m really overdue for a haircut right now. Seriously, you guys, it just keeps getting longer, and I keep trying to style it�I�ve got Brad Pitt�s hair from Johnny Suede, y�all.
Now if only I could get his face and his body, we�d be in business.
Someone Got Here By Searching For: "pee really bad" And: "pee soooooo bad" [Seriously, what is it with peeing?] I�m Watching: Clowns. Clowns. I�m Having: Nightmares.
