Well, it�s a dreary Wednesday morning (is there any other kind?) and I�m sitting here at Stupid Titanic Cruises. Again. Oh, did I forget to mention that I�ve officially changed the company name to Stupid Titanic Cruises? Did I also mention lately how much I fucking hate this place? Did I mention that I was supposed to have the day off today, and yet here I am? Did I mention that I�m out of here in a week and a half?
That�s right, folks. In exactly seven business days (not including this one), my assignment at Stupid Titanic Cruises will go softly into the dark night, and so help me, it�s all I can do to keep from dancing with glee. This place sucks my ass twice in a row. Yesterday, at five o�clock p.m., Joanie goes, �Oh, I hope you haven�t made plans for tomorrow already, because it turns out we need you to come in after all.� I swear, if I could afford dignity, I�d have told her to blow it out her ass!
As it is, I can barely afford food. So here I am. Sitting. Hating. Wishing someone was dead. Not really anyone in particular, just�someone. Hey! Somewhere, someone just died! I�ve got The Powers! Everyone better watch the fuck out, now! I�m going to turn my awesome, supernatural gifts against you, and you too will crumble and fall, like The Practice.
Yeah, so anyway. Yesterday evening at five o-freaking-clock p.m. when Joanie announced that, oh wait, they still needed to me to work today, she also mentioned that they were going to have to drastically cut back my hours, because the company is losing money faster than The In-Laws. This would be taking effect, she told me, starting not next week but the one after. She then reasoned that because I couldn�t afford to work part-time for the shit money they �pay� me, it would be advantageous for me to just sever ties with Stupid Titanic Cruises once and for all, and try to get placement elsewhere. I could not have agreed more.
It seems they�re hiring a new Sales Manager to (finally) replace Annabelle. Of course, they hired someone to replace Annabelle a few months back, but I guess that one didn�t take or something because�well, she�s not here. Anyway, Joanie assures me that as part of her training, New Girl will be instructed on how to answer the phones and, I guess, debase herself on a regular basis. Essentially, she�s signing up to be Office Bitch, which I don�t think is what she likely had in mind going into the job interview.
Frankly, I�m actually feeling mostly relief right now, although there is a certain amount of impatience and bemusement going on as well. I�m relieved because, well, duh�I�ll be getting the hell out of Dodge, yo. I�m impatient because now that the end is in sight, I�ve got a really overblown case of senioritis (which you may well remember from your days in high school and/or college) (and let me point out that the MS Word spellchecker actually has the word �senioritis� in its database -- freaky!). I�m bemused because starting in a week and a half, Miranda will have to figure out how to type her own fucking file labels, and Dolly will have to start locating the trash can by herself, instead of hurling paper at my head and saying, �Here, toss this.� I wish I could be here to see how all that will play out, but I guess that would kind of be the whole point.
So sometime today I have to call my agency and ask that they find me something to do when my tenure at Stupid Titanic Cruises finally comes to an end. I�m also going to be shopping the old r�sum� around to various and sundry places, because as much as I love being an underpaid office grunt in a thankless world nowhere even near to the kind of career I�d like for my life, I think maybe it�s time for a little change. If anybody�s looking to hire an evil genius, you just let me know.
